What is it that makes us feel so sure about some people while others are hard to figure out and they make it difficult for us to bring them into our circle?
It’s about showing up.
It’s showing up with energy and attention.
It’s showing up when they know we need them.
It’s showing up when it’s not convenient.
It’s showing up with acceptance and an open mind.
It’s sometimes showing up and being silent.
It’s trust and respect at its core.
It’s understanding that it’s mutually beneficial for both parties.
It can’t always be one-sided.
One of the more interesting things about social media is that we can get judged very often, both directly and indirectly. Comments and likes and DMs and even a “non-response” could be perceived a certain way.
But then there’s the “unfollow”. Someone took the time to follow and look at your stuff and then at some point realized it’s not for them.
We have to get comfortable with this. Rejection is a part of life. People will come and go. This happens on social media and in “real life” outside of it.
People don’t respond. People ghost us. People don’t make the effort. As Abraham Lincoln quote says, “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”
Not everyone will like us. In fact, most won’t.
The ones who do are in it with us.
Those people. Those are our tribe.
Those are the ones we need to cherish and take time for. Those are the ones we need to recognize and reciprocate.
It can’t be one-sided. A relationship works both ways. We need to give more than we take. We need to be empathetic. We need to be encouraging.
Otherwise, we might just get another “unfollow” and this time it might hurt a little bit more.
Serendipity is all around us and when we embrace it great things can start to form. I’ve met many influential people in my life by chance. But it doesn’t happen magically by sitting around, we have to create some spark through action.
Go to that new coffee shop
Attend that event
Message that person
Join that new fitness challenge
Go do that open mic
Go run in the park
Ask someone out
Sometimes it’s nothing. But sometimes it’s everything.
Life is serendipitous.
One day you’re going along just fine and then, boom, you meet someone you weren’t sure how you lived a life without for this long.
The frustrating thing when you are selling anything is that sometimes the person buying doesn’t always work on the same timeline or priority level you want it to be at.
Although you may think highly of your product it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s high on their list right now.
Empathy and respect for others’ situations go a long way in establishing trust which in turn provides more transparency in our interactions with others.
More transparency means we may not always like the decision or length of time it takes to bring the partnership together but we can at least be confident we’ll get the full story and not be left hanging.
Sales are hard but if we also remember that sales are human it can make it a lot easier to step across the aisle and put ourselves in their shoes for a minute. If we can understand what they might be dealing with we now can take the role of an advisor or friend versus a salesperson.
In any planned first encounter, it can be highly important to spend some amount of time preparing. This can be true on a first date, an interview for a job, a podcast interview, etc.
First impressions are everything as they say. In our world, as it exists today, not preparing is lazy.
Years ago it was perfectly acceptable to take this approach because it might have been uber-difficult to search for any information. The people who went above and beyond and did some reconnaissance work prior often had the upper hand.
There is so much information available that starting at “square one” makes the person receiving our message or question feel like we don’t care as much. Like we didn’t put any work into this relationship. Like we are just treating them like another number.
That doesn’t fly anymore. We know less is more. High-quality conversations with high-quality people are what we are striving for.
Next time, remember that the more we are prepared with knowledge on the person, company, or otherwise, we are getting a head start to help build confidence, connection, and respect on a much deeper level with the person on the other side.
And who knows, maybe they prepared for the conversation with you, too.
Depreciation – a reduction in the value of an asset with the passage of time, due in particular to wear and tear.
We think about depreciation as assets like our cars losing value over time but we might consider this with our relationships as well so they don’t do the same.
Our best relationships continue to grow and evolve as long as we are putting the right time into fostering that relationship. They become more valuable and lead us to be happier in them.
If we neglect them then it’s almost certain it will lose its luster and the flame will go out.
Times change and people change. We change. If we are not continuing to communicate with our partner, family, friend, colleague, etc on some sort of regular cadence and make an effort to make sure the relationship is intact then there is a good chance it will slowly deteriorate without us even knowing it.
Then, we get to a spot where we all have probably been, there is no value left in the relationship to make it worthwhile to continue.
Before we ever get to that point we should consider asking ourselves this question occasionally, “How am I committing to this relationship and making it valuable to the other person”?
Although we can’t control the effort the other person puts into the relationship, at least we can be confident that we’ve given it our all and made it clear that we wanted to be in it for the long haul.
Episode 105 Features Mick Carbo, Founder & Head Coach of Carbo Coaching. Mick has a very unique story from starting to grow his first business when he was just out of high school, getting married and having kids in his late teens, and selling marijuana in his mid-20s and ultimately getting arrested. I really enjoyed this vulnerable conversation with Mick and I hope you do too.
As an entrepreneur, leadership coach, trainer, and speaker, Mick Carbo’s experience spans a wide range of industries. In addition to working with his Carbo Coaching clients, Mick also a “coaches’ coach,” co-leading an ICF (International Coaching Federation) accredited leadership development and training program for other coaches. Mick holds the designation of Professional Certiﬁed Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF).
He teaches Employee Performance Development through the Small Business Development Center and the University of Maryland. Also committed to community service, Mick has done pro bono work with retiring military personnel through the Transition Assistance Program at Ft. Meade and volunteers in leadership positions for community organizations.
Mick’s over 20 years of experience as an entrepreneur and business owner gives him an owner’s perspective, enabling him to help founders, owners, and other business leaders effectively grow and lead their teams to new levels of fulﬁllment and success. Through Mick’s coaching, leaders learn how to maximize performance and create unprecedented results.