Behind every great relationship there is:
It’s not rocket science. It’s simple.
Treat people the way you expect to be treated.
Show up with a growth mindset and a willingness to open up.
Don’t take life so seriously.
It’s amazing how great a relationship can be when you keep the simple things top of mind.
Just because we liked them doesn’t mean we should be with them.
There are many factors that have to line up for it to even get started, and then you have to have consistent growth as the days pass by.
What you should be focused on is how they treat you, how you treat them, do your values align, and is your life vision tracking.
You can’t force it.
You can’t coerce them.
Know what you are worth and show up with it every day.
And you trust they will, too.
The rest works out as it works out.
Ever hear the phrase, “They were the one that got away”?
This isn’t exactly true. If they “got away”, for one reason or another, they didn’t mesh with our life.
Like a puzzle, some pieces clearly don’t fit while others appear to until we look much closer and observe with a keen eye.
Look around at the people in your life; our tribe, our community, our circle, whatever we want to call them, are there for a reason.
We’ve chosen them and they’ve chosen us.
We fit because we both chose to make it fit.
In our own unique, weird, off-the-wall way, we fit.
There’s no need to force the pieces.
The puzzle comes together effortlessly.
Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever.
It might be for a season or two.
For the cosmos to align again.
To see if it’s truly meant to be.
The goodbye isn’t the hard part as much as us forgetting the person when they’re gone.
If we’ve kept them alive in our hearts we can pick back up where we left off when we see them again.
Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever if we are willing to keep the flame burning.
Time passes but everlasting love feels like it hasn’t aged at all.
What is it that makes us feel so sure about some people while others are hard to figure out and they make it difficult for us to bring them into our circle?
It’s about showing up.
It’s showing up with energy and attention.
It’s showing up when they know we need them.
It’s showing up when it’s not convenient.
It’s showing up with acceptance and an open mind.
It’s sometimes showing up and being silent.
It’s trust and respect at its core.
It’s understanding that it’s mutually beneficial for both parties.
It can’t always be one-sided.
There comes a point where all of us have to make a choice in life.
Do we choose to keep searching for “better”, for a perceived perfect, or do we make a decision to be happy with what we have in front of us?
That’s a choice that is hard for many to make because society always talks about striving for more and better. To keep improving, advancing, and conquering.
What is often missed is that we can conquer as a team and still advance toward a pursuit of better, if we’d like.
We don’t have to do it alone.
Building a life with someone is a journey in itself. There will be highs and lows, constantly, but there will also be support, trust, and respect.
We will be able to communicate and game-plan together. We can make each other better.
So, as we nitpick every nuance and every “red flag” and decide which life path we should choose, remember this…Life is to be lived. It shouldn’t be perfect.
We aren’t perfect. And neither is anyone else.
But together, we can become the best versions of ourselves. We can raise the level of our skills together.
We can have someone volley the ball back to us and keep us on our toes, moving and growing.
That appears like a much better alternative than hitting the perfect shot with no one on the other side returning serve.
I know which game I’d rather play.
We never know when new people are going to enter our world. Think of close friends, a mentor, maybe a spouse or significant other.
There was one day we never knew who they were. We didn’t know we needed them. Until we felt that spark of energy.
We’ve all felt it. We’ve all had it. We all want to feel it again.
We’re not sure what it is exactly. We can’t explain it. But that shared energy field is around us. It pulls us in. We can’t resist. We can’t look away.
It’s special because we all meet thousands of people throughout our lives. But only a few stand out above the rest.
Why are there a select few that take up a majority of our headspace?
Why are there only so many that we invest time in?
What is it about them that’s so special?
When we find that connection it’s important to remember that we have to work at keeping it up. Our environment changes things. Life events change things. Things won’t always be how they’ve been.
If that connection is valuable then we must keep working to make it stay strong.
We must keep finding the time.
We must keep showing up.
We must keep putting energy into it.
Because it won’t fuel itself.
One of the more interesting things about social media is that we can get judged very often, both directly and indirectly. Comments and likes and DMs and even a “non-response” could be perceived a certain way.
But then there’s the “unfollow”. Someone took the time to follow and look at your stuff and then at some point realized it’s not for them.
We have to get comfortable with this. Rejection is a part of life. People will come and go. This happens on social media and in “real life” outside of it.
People don’t respond. People ghost us. People don’t make the effort. As Abraham Lincoln quote says, “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”
Not everyone will like us. In fact, most won’t.
The ones who do are in it with us.
Those people. Those are our tribe.
Those are the ones we need to cherish and take time for. Those are the ones we need to recognize and reciprocate.
It can’t be one-sided. A relationship works both ways. We need to give more than we take. We need to be empathetic. We need to be encouraging.
Otherwise, we might just get another “unfollow” and this time it might hurt a little bit more.
We fear rejection only because we forget about its benefits.
If we don’t get rejected directly, it may cause us to worry or a loss of focus wondering why we haven’t gotten a response, why we are being treated a certain way, or if we did something wrong.
But rejection is actually freeing.
When we are rejected we may mull it over for a day or two but then forget about it for a lifetime. It becomes an afterthought because we now have closure.
Rejection can definitely be painful but let’s not forget about all of the stress and anxiety that comes from not knowing where we stand in a given situation.
Which one is actually worse?
I know which one I’d rather have.
The people we connect with tell a lot about who we are as a person.
Do they make us laugh, think, or play? What do we tolerate? What concessions do we make despite red flags? Where do we draw our lines?
“We are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with”, as the saying goes.
What are the trade-offs we make for comfort? Who won’t we trade-off because we are unwilling to have a difficult conversation with? Who do we really want in our circle but are afraid to ask?
We need to continue to audit our connections and tighten the nuts and bolts around who we enjoy spending the most time being around.
Who makes us our happiest selves?
Then pour more of the sands of time into those buckets of people.
Choose wisely, there’s only so much to go around.
Serendipity is all around us and when we embrace it great things can start to form. I’ve met many influential people in my life by chance. But it doesn’t happen magically by sitting around, we have to create some spark through action.
Sometimes it’s nothing. But sometimes it’s everything.
Life is serendipitous.
One day you’re going along just fine and then, boom, you meet someone you weren’t sure how you lived a life without for this long.
Don’t sleep on serendipity.
It can be a game-changer.
The frustrating thing when you are selling anything is that sometimes the person buying doesn’t always work on the same timeline or priority level you want it to be at.
Although you may think highly of your product it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s high on their list right now.
Empathy and respect for others’ situations go a long way in establishing trust which in turn provides more transparency in our interactions with others.
More transparency means we may not always like the decision or length of time it takes to bring the partnership together but we can at least be confident we’ll get the full story and not be left hanging.
Sales are hard but if we also remember that sales are human it can make it a lot easier to step across the aisle and put ourselves in their shoes for a minute. If we can understand what they might be dealing with we now can take the role of an advisor or friend versus a salesperson.
In the end, everyone wins that way.
It’s never about the money and rarely about the power and influence. Even the celebrities that live on in history are there because of how they made us feel. There was a connection.
That means something.
It means we have the same opportunity to make an impact on the world but it’s our choice to decide if that’s going to be a positive impact or a negative one.
All of these, and many more I’m forgetting, are up to us with how we choose to project ourselves to the world as with the growing digital age, many of these actions will outlive us by many years.
Positivity breeds positivity. If we think it, speak it, and show it; it catches on. Unfortunately, the same can be said for negativity.
We control the imprint we want to leave behind on this planet.
We get to decide how we will be remembered throughout the history books.
How will you be remembered?
In any planned first encounter, it can be highly important to spend some amount of time preparing. This can be true on a first date, an interview for a job, a podcast interview, etc.
First impressions are everything as they say. In our world, as it exists today, not preparing is lazy.
Years ago it was perfectly acceptable to take this approach because it might have been uber-difficult to search for any information. The people who went above and beyond and did some reconnaissance work prior often had the upper hand.
There is so much information available that starting at “square one” makes the person receiving our message or question feel like we don’t care as much. Like we didn’t put any work into this relationship. Like we are just treating them like another number.
That doesn’t fly anymore. We know less is more. High-quality conversations with high-quality people are what we are striving for.
Next time, remember that the more we are prepared with knowledge on the person, company, or otherwise, we are getting a head start to help build confidence, connection, and respect on a much deeper level with the person on the other side.
And who knows, maybe they prepared for the conversation with you, too.
Thank you’s are easy but not readily thought about. They come from a place of deep gratitude.
We need to take ourselves outside of the situation and observe what happened. “Did this one person go out of their way to help another person?”, “Did they offer up their time in a generous way”?
We may not be able to give them much in return but an acknowledgment that they are heard can be powerful for the relationship and their future giving to others.
Thank you’s can be delivered in many ways; a handwritten letter, an email, a phone call, a text message, or maybe a handshake and smile accompanied by some generous words of thanks.
The delivery method is not as important as the act itself.
Someone went out of their way to be generous with their time and expertise.
Considering how much we reciprocated that generosity through our own actions can be a valuable exercise to improve relationships for the long haul.
Depreciation – a reduction in the value of an asset with the passage of time, due in particular to wear and tear.
We think about depreciation as assets like our cars losing value over time but we might consider this with our relationships as well so they don’t do the same.
Our best relationships continue to grow and evolve as long as we are putting the right time into fostering that relationship. They become more valuable and lead us to be happier in them.
If we neglect them then it’s almost certain it will lose its luster and the flame will go out.
Times change and people change. We change. If we are not continuing to communicate with our partner, family, friend, colleague, etc on some sort of regular cadence and make an effort to make sure the relationship is intact then there is a good chance it will slowly deteriorate without us even knowing it.
Then, we get to a spot where we all have probably been, there is no value left in the relationship to make it worthwhile to continue.
Before we ever get to that point we should consider asking ourselves this question occasionally, “How am I committing to this relationship and making it valuable to the other person”?
Although we can’t control the effort the other person puts into the relationship, at least we can be confident that we’ve given it our all and made it clear that we wanted to be in it for the long haul.
EPISODE 105: Founder & Head Coach, Carbo Coaching
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Episode 105 Features Mick Carbo, Founder & Head Coach of Carbo Coaching. Mick has a very unique story from starting to grow his first business when he was just out of high school, getting married and having kids in his late teens, and selling marijuana in his mid-20s and ultimately getting arrested. I really enjoyed this vulnerable conversation with Mick and I hope you do too.
Find Mick Online:
Website: CarboCoaching.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mick.carbo
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mickcarbo/
About Mick:
As an entrepreneur, leadership coach, trainer, and speaker, Mick Carbo’s experience spans a wide range of industries. In addition to working with his Carbo Coaching clients, Mick also a “coaches’ coach,” co-leading an ICF (International Coaching Federation) accredited leadership development and training program for other coaches. Mick holds the designation of Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF).
He teaches Employee Performance Development through the Small Business Development Center and the University of Maryland. Also committed to community service, Mick has done pro bono work with retiring military personnel through the Transition Assistance Program at Ft. Meade and volunteers in leadership positions for community organizations.
Mick’s over 20 years of experience as an entrepreneur and business owner gives him an owner’s perspective, enabling him to help founders, owners, and other business leaders effectively grow and lead their teams to new levels of fulfillment and success. Through Mick’s coaching, leaders learn how to maximize performance and create unprecedented results.
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If you enjoyed this interview you may also like my Just Get Started Podcast Interview with Dr. Orin Davis, Principal Investigator of the Quality of Life Laboratory
