• Figs O'Sullivan Profile Headshot

Figs O’Sullivan

FIGS O’SULLIVAN

EPISODE 332: Relationship Expert and Founder of Empathi.com

Figs O'Sullivan Profile Headshot

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Episode 332 features Figs O’Sullivan, a Licensed Psychotherapist, Emotionally-Focused Therapy practitioner, and commander-in-chief for the top-rated therapists in San Francisco.

Find Figs Online:

Website: empathi.com

Podcast: https://www.comeheretomepodcast.com

Linkedin: linkedin.com/fiachrafigs

Instagram: instagram.com/empathinow

Twitter: twitter.com/empathinow

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Empathinow

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/empathinow

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@empathinow

Medium: https://medium.com/@figlet

About Figs:

Figs O’Sullivan is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Emotionally-Focused Therapy practitioner, and commander-in-chief for the top-rated therapists in San Francisco.

Born in Ireland to students of the human experience and now raising two children with his wife, Teale, in Hawaii, Figs has met as many different kinds of people as he has therapy methods. And yet, what he discovered about how humans heal was incredibly simple.

And often really, really difficult for people to achieve without guidance.

……..

If you enjoyed this interview you may also like my Just Get Started Podcast Interview with Seth Godin, Author, Blogger, and Founder of Akimbo

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Figs O’Sullivan2023-02-13T15:38:15-04:00

Jigsaw Puzzle

Ever hear the phrase, “They were the one that got away”?

This isn’t exactly true. If they “got away”, for one reason or another, they didn’t mesh with our life.

Like a puzzle, some pieces clearly don’t fit while others appear to until we look much closer and observe with a keen eye.

Look around at the people in your life; our tribe, our community, our circle, whatever we want to call them, are there for a reason.

We’ve chosen them and they’ve chosen us.

We fit because we both chose to make it fit.

In our own unique, weird, off-the-wall way, we fit.

There’s no need to force the pieces.

The puzzle comes together effortlessly.

Jigsaw Puzzle2023-01-26T14:16:41-04:00

Community Builder

As the 2023 CrossFit Open kicks off, I was thinking about my 5 years at CrossFitRTP and the incredible community we have there.

This quote came to mind…

“Home is when people notice when you’re not there” – Alexander Hayman

It always feels like home walking in there.

People from different walks of life come together for similar reasons.

To feel welcomed and supported.
To build a stronger mind and body.
To prove that they can do hard things.

Wishing everyone finds a place that they can call “home”.

Community Builder2023-01-19T20:33:38-04:00

The Happiness Factor

When we are growing up we have a tendency to want more.

  • More toys.
  • More snacks.
  • More video games.
  • More time playing with friends.

What is hard to understand in those formative years is that the “more” we crave adds unnecessary responsibility and stress to our lives.

Unfortunately, we carry this into adulthood.

We think we want:

  • More money = Working more hours
  • More “toys” = Needing to make more money to pay for them
  • More status = Needing the newest and most luxurious toys to stand out

Inevitably, there comes a time when most of us realize we have it backward all along.

What we really want is:

  • More time = Eliminating wasted efforts
  • More freedom = Choosing the type of work that fulfills us
  • More belonging = Building deeper meaningful relationships

The person with the most “toys” doesn’t win. It’s because they’ve lived a life always wanting more and were never grateful for all they had in the first place.

They were never grateful for the important things:

  • More time
  • More freedom
  • More belonging

If we are looking to become happier these become a great place to start.

The Happiness Factor2022-12-26T15:03:50-04:00

Goodbye For Now

Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever.

It might be for a season or two.

For the cosmos to align again.

To see if it’s truly meant to be.

The goodbye isn’t the hard part as much as us forgetting the person when they’re gone.

If we’ve kept them alive in our hearts we can pick back up where we left off when we see them again.

Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever if we are willing to keep the flame burning.

Time passes but everlasting love feels like it hasn’t aged at all.

Goodbye For Now2022-12-13T21:17:13-04:00

Energy Field

We never know when new people are going to enter our world. Think of close friends, a mentor, maybe a spouse or significant other.

There was one day we never knew who they were. We didn’t know we needed them. Until we felt that spark of energy.

We’ve all felt it. We’ve all had it. We all want to feel it again.

We’re not sure what it is exactly. We can’t explain it. But that shared energy field is around us. It pulls us in. We can’t resist. We can’t look away.

It’s special because we all meet thousands of people throughout our lives. But only a few stand out above the rest.

Why are there a select few that take up a majority of our headspace?
Why are there only so many that we invest time in?
What is it about them that’s so special?

When we find that connection it’s important to remember that we have to work at keeping it up. Our environment changes things. Life events change things. Things won’t always be how they’ve been.

If that connection is valuable then we must keep working to make it stay strong.

We must keep finding the time.
We must keep showing up.
We must keep putting energy into it.

Because it won’t fuel itself.

Energy Field2022-05-12T20:09:38-04:00

The Truth About Cats And Dogs

Cats and Dogs rarely play with the same toy again and again. Sure, they have their favorites they’ll pick up every now and then but they will typically bounce around to different ones or lose interest all together.

However, what do they yearn for? Sleep, Exercise, Companionship, and Belonging.

Somehow, they’ve figured out that, “Whoever dies with the most toys doesn’t win.”

Although we might be the “smartest” species in the room, we could learn something from them if we were open to it.

The Truth About Cats And Dogs2022-05-02T08:43:51-04:00

Unfollowing

One of the more interesting things about social media is that we can get judged very often, both directly and indirectly. Comments and likes and DMs and even a “non-response” could be perceived a certain way.

But then there’s the “unfollow”. Someone took the time to follow and look at your stuff and then at some point realized it’s not for them.

We have to get comfortable with this. Rejection is a part of life. People will come and go. This happens on social media and in “real life” outside of it.

People don’t respond. People ghost us. People don’t make the effort. As Abraham Lincoln quote says, “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

Not everyone will like us. In fact, most won’t.

The ones who do are in it with us.

Those people. Those are our tribe.

Those are the ones we need to cherish and take time for. Those are the ones we need to recognize and reciprocate.

It can’t be one-sided. A relationship works both ways. We need to give more than we take. We need to be empathetic. We need to be encouraging.

Otherwise, we might just get another “unfollow” and this time it might hurt a little bit more.

Unfollowing2022-04-11T19:53:43-04:00

The Happiest Place On Earth

As we think back about our best memories, they are always simple and we are normally surrounded by others.

I think about the moment I found out we were having a baby.
I think about the first moment I held him.
I think about playing golf with my son.
I think about falling in love.
I think about pick-up football games with my friends.
I think about sitting in my grandmother’s dining area and having a conversation with her.
I think about playing video games with my brother.
I think about my first CrossFit competition and being around my team.

I think about all of these memories and so many more and what they might have in common.

We need to go back to 1st Principles thinking. Break down our finest memories and happiest moments. What are the simple building blocks that made them what they are?

  • Love
  • Belonging
  • Energy
  • Freedom
  • Routines
  • Communication

These are some things that come to mind.

If we can do things that hit one or more of these buckets then we are going to have the opportunity to create many happy memories and build an unbelievable life for ourselves and the people around us.

Seek to do more of those things and happiness will inevitably follow.

The Happiest Place On Earth2022-07-17T09:09:34-04:00

Kid N Play

Let’s not kid ourselves, people tell us exactly how they feel, one way or another, whether that’s a response by phone, a text message, body language, responsiveness, or a lack of communication.

Whether good or bad, people are telling us and we just have to be paying attention to the signal and block out the noise.

From there, we can get a good sense of where we stand in the relationship and the priority level they are giving to our situation.

We can’t blame anyone but ourselves if we are not tuned in and observing.

Generally, the signs are very glaring from afar.

Kid N Play2022-02-13T16:30:27-04:00

A Smile Can Go Miles

I tell my son to “Make someone smile today” when I drop him off at school.

The easiest way to enact a positive change in our life is to positively change someone else’s life.

A smile can have ripple effects far greater than we know.

Who are you going to make smile today?

A Smile Can Go Miles2022-02-09T21:47:08-04:00

Refocus Our Energy

Rejection hurts because we believe everyone should like us, want to be with us, or want to do business with us.

It doesn’t work that way. Rejection teaches us more about the people who are right for us than the people who are not.

Most people won’t want to give us the time of day. So focus on the ones who do.

Focus on the ones who show up when least expected. Focus on the ones who support you. Focus on the ones who make the effort.

There is only so much time in the day.

If someone is willing to take some time out of theirs and spend it on you then that’s a special thing.

Refocus Our Energy2022-01-14T16:29:29-04:00

Separation Anxiety

It’s been 3 years since my wife and I got divorced. Funny how that much time has passed. Funny to think what we could’ve changed to make it work.

A lot of things for sure.

But, then again, it was probably the right decision. We were both unhappy.

Why stay in something that you are “lukewarm” about, at best?

But that’s what we do as humans. We sort of just settle in for what feels comfortable. We do whatever we can to hold the walls up around us in order to eliminate the abrupt pain of it all caving in at once.

We fail to recognize that having the walls cave in can allow us to rebuild a stronger foundation from the ground up. We can create a more solid structure that is long-lasting.

It doesn’t mean we have to run from every bad situation but it could mean that we have to take a hard look inward on why this is happening in the first place.

What have we done to get here? What have we done to cause this situation? What has been out of our control? How can we change for the better?

Change is really hard. I remember the time between getting “separated” and then actually leaving the house we built together. Those 5 weeks transitioning to leave the house and officially, by legal standards, become separated were brutal.

I cried a lot.
I was heartbroken.
I was depressed.
I was sad.

But then, I wasn’t.

Sure, I can be sad that we weren’t madly in love like many years prior. I can be sad that our son has to be a part of a co-parenting situation. I can be sad that the happy moments we had together would be clouded by this decision we made.

But that’s all a matter of perspective. I had the choice to be happy or sad.

So I chose to be happy.

Everything ends at some point. That’s the rub of life. It all eventually ends. Our situation ended just a bit more abruptly than originally planned. Our story just took a different direction down the wandering path.

But, I’m happy I had those moments with her. I was madly in love, and I know she was, too.

I’m happy my son gets to spend time with each of us individually and grow a stronger bond. He gets to grow up going through some shit. That’s only going to make him more resilient.

I’m happy with all those moments of happiness, laughter, and fun we had together. We had some great times. But I’m also happy for the less-than-desirable moments, too. Because, as I reflect, it’s made me grow as a person and be a better version of myself. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to go through hard times to figure that stuff out.

Life is never easy but if I’ve learned anything it’s that negativity and pessimism almost get you nowhere. I’m sure someone can tell me there is some utility to it but not much that I’ve seen.

If we can take every situation, no matter how dire, and work our way to see the sunshine and rainbows then we have a much better chance of finding the happiness inside ourselves and using that as fuel to power us forward.

It’s hard to get there when we think the world is always giving us a bad hand to play.

Once we accept that we may not have played the hand correctly then it can make it much easier to respect the outcome and move on.

It doesn’t mean we forget about the past as those moments and experiences helped define who we are, good or bad. But it gives us the opportunity to use those moments and learn from them.

We have the opportunity to start anew. Not from square one but from much farther ahead because of the wealth of knowledge we’ve gained through all of it.

Be open to change. Be receptive to it. Embrace it.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Separation Anxiety2022-02-12T22:23:31-04:00

Heartwarming Surprise

Getting a surprise text from an old friend or a random gift sent to us makes us feel so good. We get a smile on our faces and we’re grateful that there are people out there thinking about us.

Who could we spin that idea around on today? Who haven’t we conversed within many months or years that we could send a text or message saying we are thinking about them?

It can be the smallest gesture but those can go a long way to make people feel better.

Think of 1-2 people today and take a proactive approach to message them. Maybe it’s a quick hello back, maybe it turns into a longer conversation, maybe it happens to lead to an actual phone call.

Who knows?

The most important part is the first message. The one that catches them off guard. The one that warms their heart knowing that there are people out there thinking about them, too.

Heartwarming Surprise2022-06-28T19:40:20-04:00

The Sands Of Time

The people we connect with tell a lot about who we are as a person.

Do they make us laugh, think, or play? What do we tolerate? What concessions do we make despite red flags? Where do we draw our lines?

“We are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with”, as the saying goes.

What are the trade-offs we make for comfort? Who won’t we trade-off because we are unwilling to have a difficult conversation with? Who do we really want in our circle but are afraid to ask?

We need to continue to audit our connections and tighten the nuts and bolts around who we enjoy spending the most time being around.

Who makes us our happiest selves?

Then pour more of the sands of time into those buckets of people.

Choose wisely, there’s only so much to go around.

The Sands Of Time2022-01-03T21:20:26-04:00

Serendipitously

Serendipity is all around us and when we embrace it great things can start to form. I’ve met many influential people in my life by chance. But it doesn’t happen magically by sitting around, we have to create some spark through action.

  • Go to that new coffee shop
  • Attend that event
  • Message that person
  • Join that new fitness challenge
  • Go do that open mic
  • Go run in the park
  • Ask someone out
  • Go do…???

Sometimes it’s nothing. But sometimes it’s everything.

Life is serendipitous.

One day you’re going along just fine and then, boom, you meet someone you weren’t sure how you lived a life without for this long.

Don’t sleep on serendipity.

It can be a game-changer.

Serendipitously2022-01-03T21:06:18-04:00
  • Lathan Craft Profile Headshot

Lathan Craft

LATHAN CRAFT

EPISODE 189: Founder, Made for Purpose

Lathan Craft Profile Headshot

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Episode 189 features Lathan Craft, Founder of Made For Purpose. Lathan has devoted his life to researching and articulating the importance of belonging, and how words truly can change the world.

Find Lathan Online:

Website: www.madeforpurpose.us

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lathancraft/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lathanwc

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lathanwc

Facebook: facebook.com/mycrosshissuffering

About Lathan:

Lathan W. Craft is an International Best-Selling Author and highly-respected speaker. He is the host of the nationally-recognized podcast ‘The Other Side of the Church’ which features regular guests such as Matthew West, Blanca, and Bob Goff- who Lathan has also worked closely with.

Lathan has been featured on various podcasts and radio shows such as The Crappy Christian Podcast, Are You Real? Podcast, and Faith Positive Radio. He is the founder of Made for Purpose, a coaching and consulting business helping people work in their design and description. He is the founder of A Heartbeat From Hope, a non-profit organization giving individualized hope to the most hopeless of places. He is also the founder of After-Words, helping writers write their stories before it’s too late.

Lathan has degrees and is highly esteemed in Psychology, Counseling, Leadership, and Ministry. He has been regarded as an expert in belonging, ostracization, and the power of words. Ultimately, Lathan has devoted his life to researching and articulating the importance of belonging, and how words truly can change the world.

……..

If you enjoyed this interview you may also like my Just Get Started Podcast Interview with Seth Godin, Author, Founder and Speaker

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If you enjoy this episode I’d be grateful if you would leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, if you believe I’ve earned it.  Thanks for listening!

Leave a Review

Lathan Craft2021-10-18T20:07:08-04:00

Take The Carpool Lane

There are definitely times we need to be alone. Sometimes we need a breather from everyone else. Disconnecting from the world can be healthy for our mental state.

But, we shouldn’t hang out there too long. There are tremendous benefits from being around people who are on our side and support us. We all strive for belonging and we benefit from being able to converse with people that can listen and help us when we need it. 

But, ultimately, we have to take the leap and ask for that help because most people may not know that we need it. That can be the hardest thing to do. Asking, reaching out a hand, being vulnerable. We think it makes us look weak but it can be one of the most courageous things we can do. 

Next time we are scared, helpless, or feeling off a bit we have to try and take a leap of faith and be courageous. Phone a friend. Ask for help. It’s amazing how quickly they’ll jump to be there for us.

In these circumstances, the opportunities that can come from working as a team far outweigh anything we can do alone.

Take The Carpool Lane2021-09-27T09:08:39-04:00

Celebrate The Wins

This month I would be celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary. 

But we didn’t make it much past year 7. 

In a strange way, I still celebrate that day and spend time thinking about the past. 

The good times and the bad. The ups and the downs. The lessons I wish I knew then but only learned much later. 

The outcome may not have changed. Different people with different values may not have worked out if we played it back 100 different ways. 

And that’s why I reflect. 

It’s okay that it didn’t work out. 

I still cherish the time we had together. The early days were really fun. I was in love and I know she was, too. We’ll always have that time etched in the archives of our story. 

It was a big part of my journey to get where I am today. I’m more grateful than heartbroken. 

I don’t look at divorce as a failure. In fact, it could be considered a win. We both have the chance to learn and change. We both have the chance to explore new horizons we might not have ventured into. We both can use the past as a lesson to help in the future. 

The story of “us” looks different than it did 10 years ago and just because it might not have the fairytale ending doesn’t mean there can’t be a silver lining to it all. 

So, cheers to whatever you are celebrating that has been a big chapter in the story of your life!

Celebrate The Wins2022-03-13T15:27:03-04:00
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