Outcome Goals
When people say they want to write a book what they mean is they want to publish a book.
When people say they want to run a marathon what they mean is they want to finish the marathon.
When people say they want to do something what they generally mean is they want the feeling of completing something.
There is a gap between the act of starting and the glory of finishing.
The gray area is the work.
The people who love the journey, the highs and lows, and the unknown are more likely to reach a pinnacle of achievement.
They prepare daily by showing up and putting in effort.
They realize the reward is in the opportunity to get to do the work.
Outcome goals are important but what are the daily inputs to make it a reality?
The Starting Spectrum
Where are you on the “starting spectrum”?
- Are you feeling stuck?
- Are you excited but fearful?
- Are you thinking about ideas?
- Are you trying to “find the time”?
- Are you observing like-minded folks?
- Are you curious about how to grow and evolve?
If you fall into one or more of these categories then you are in a great spot.
It means you are eager to make a shift in your life.
You are on the cusp of a massive change.
But, what is going to tip you over the edge?
Is there one action you can take today to give yourself a jolt forward?
Lean into that answer and trust the unknown.
It will become clearer once you start.
Magellan
Stop focusing on how other people do it.
Explore how you do it.
As a single dad, I have a consistent schedule of the weeks I have my son and the weeks I don’t.
When I have my son, I prioritize him. When I don’t, I prioritize other things.
I’ve discovered I work better by thinking in “bi-weekly sprints” based on the time I have available. I can’t schedule like my friends who are full-time parents nor like the ones who don’t have kids.
You most likely will do it differently, too.
Analyze your unique situation and find the tools that can help you craft a blueprint to work off of.
You’ll find it becomes a tremendous way to remove stress, increase enjoyment, and prioritize the life you want.
Blast From The Past
Kids have it so easy today.
Movies streamed instantly.
Millions of songs on Spotify.
Gaming with friends virtually.
But so did we…
We had AOL when our parents had no computers at all.
We had ESPN, MTV, and dozens of channels when our parents had 3.
We could skip songs with our Walkman when our parents had vinyl records.
Every generation thinks they have it harder than the next one.
They feel they struggled mightily and everyone younger is soft and weak.
But we are all the same. We go through hardship and tragedy. We experience pain and sorrow.
We all suffer.
It doesn’t matter what technological advancements happen at what period of time.
We all have our own unique challenges that push us to the edge and make us question our beliefs.
It’s in those moments that we can confidently believe we can get through this.
We know it’s possible to persevere and come out the other end stronger.
That we can survive and advance.
Because the ones that came before us did.
Gary Vee
Before I knew what Entrepreneurship was, Gary Vaynerchuk serendipitously popped up in a Facebook post which was a link to his Inc 500 Keynote Speech.
It was one of the catalyst moments in my life that put me on a different path forward.
That was in 2011.
Fast-forward four years later to 2015 and the momentum had been building even though I was so early in my journey. I had learned a lot and I wanted to share it with others and to give thanks to Gary.
I wrote this blog, titled “What Is The R.O.I. of Gary Vaynerchuk”, 8 years ago. What’s funny is I remember writing this. I remember sharing it and Gary sending me a reply on Twitter. I remember how it energized me even more.
It’s amazing what has unfolded over the past 8 years and I’m excited to see what’s next.
Moral of the Story:
We don’t know where we’ll find a spark of inspiration but we are going to have a better opportunity by venturing out into the unknown and starting. We’ll bump into things by happenstance and call those “serendipitous” moments.
But they are only that way because we’ve opened ourselves up and created the chance for those opportunities to come into our lives.
Get out there and get started.
It’s the only way to create a better life for ourselves.
Night Sweats
Have you woken up in the middle of the night, couldn’t fall back to sleep, and are pondering what the fuck you’re doing with your life?
It’s me. Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.
I think anybody that cares about something meaningful goes through this.
Like are we doing enough?
I don’t know, really. I don’t have the answer. But I have questions I’m asking myself.
What is enough?
Why do I feel I’m always behind?
Is the pressure I’m putting on myself necessary?
The answers come when we’re willing to sit with these uncomfortable and squirmy questions.
I don’t have the answer for you. I barely have the answer for myself, yet.
But the good news is that we are in it together. We all have restless nights and worry that we are not enough. That our life has somehow spun out of control and we aren’t sure what it holds for us next.
All I can say is that we’ve been here before. This isn’t the first time we’ve dealt with these fears, anxieties, stressors, and mental blockades.
But this time it may be the first time we finally become aware of why it’s happening…If we’re willing to answer a few simple questions.
Sit with it for a while. Scribble some notes. Let whatever flows out be what it is. No judgment or editing.
Just pure emotion.
You may not be writing yours at 4:23 am because you can’t sleep but I’d challenge you to carve out just 5 minutes today.
Allow your mind to ponder the reasons why you struggle and where it stems from. Although the answers are difficult to digest they become the start of a new way of thinking.
They become a catalyst for change.
They may even help you sleep better tonight, too.
Spin Cycle
If you are stuck remember that we are merely 8 billion atoms in a body suit on a spinning rock circling a massive star.
Appreciate that you have the capacity to recognize the feelings you are feeling.
That’s a huge leap forward already.
Now, take a deep breath.
You got this.
Well Read
It can become relatively easy to read people if we focus on the decisions they make.
The words can throw us off course but it’s their actions that paint the brightest picture.
Eye-opening data can come from that observation if we are willing to accept what it’s telling us.
Action Packed
The action of starting ends up being a lot easier when we’ve already started in our minds.
The action is connected to the need to change.
Despite that our confidence may be low and fear is gripping at our ankles, if we have the courage to decide to choose a better path for our life, starting becomes easier.
Simple to imagine, harder to implement.
Why? Because we spend more time thinking about the things that could go wrong instead of believing that we have the chance for it to go right.
Mindset is always the appropriate first step when we are struggling to get started.
The glimmer of hope that we are worthy enough to make the attempt is all the positivity we need to take the leap.
The rest will build from there.
Suspense Thriller
Despite what we may think, we are incredible storytellers.
We make up stories to fill in the gaps in the unknown.
To paint a picture that doesn’t yet exist through our biases and beliefs.
We make it compelling and exciting and if we think about it long enough we might even believe it is true.
When the future moment becomes the present, how many times does that story live up to the hype of the moment?
That should tell us something.
Maybe our embellishment of the potential outcome is unhelpful and irrational.
It leads us to worry and stress over things that are irrelevant.
It’s a narrative that might choose not to write in the first place.
Don’t Ignore It
The common phrase is “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
Even better, “Be so aware you can’t ignore yourself.”
When we remove the barriers we can explore our minds at a deeper level to expose all of our insecurities and anxieties. This work becomes useful to avoid the pitfalls of making the same mistakes over and over again.
As Paulo Coelho says, “A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.”
Mistakes will happen but it’s the awareness and reflection of why they happened that allows us to make better decisions when similar situations arise in the future.
We stop ignoring the flashing red lights and begin to forge a new path toward learning about ourselves.
It’s one of the only ways we can become a better version of ourselves.
Even The Greats Are Scared
Will Ferrell was sitting in his trailer while filming the iconic movie “Elf” and he said something to the extent of “Where am I going to go from here after this thing flops” (paraphrasing a bit).
Even the people considered the “greats” don’t have it all figured out. They question their decisions. They have fear of how they are going to look to others. They have moments of weakness.
“Elf” didn’t flop, as we now know, but there was no way he could’ve known that then.
He had to put on his yellow tights one leg at a time, walk out of that trailer, and show up as the best performer he could be.
We don’t always know what will happen. That’s part of what makes it exciting.
When it does work out we have the opportunity to look back at all of those low points, the times we doubted ourselves, and realize that it was a part of the process.
It was a part of our growth.
It’s like standing on top of the mountain and seeing all of the hills and valleys we had to climb over to get here.
We gain confidence and conviction with each one.
We believe in ourselves.
The game is set up to separate the ones willing to go past the point of fear, uncertainty, and doubt and progress forward versus those who close up shop and quit at the first sign of adversity.
Showing up because we believe in what we are doing becomes a great tool to lean on during times when we think we aren’t good enough.
Gratitude Journal
We can get caught in the hustle of daily life with the expectation that it’s supposed to be better.
Gratitude is one of the lifeboats we can drop into the water when we feel like we are drowning. When we feel like we are in over our heads.
Because as much as we may struggle, deal with pain, or battle our inner demons, we have to recognize that this has been common throughout human civilization.
We are not much different than our distant ancestors.
But we are more comfortable.
If we are cold we turn on the heat.
If we are hungry we have food delivered.
If we want to learn we have knowledge at our fingertips.
Life isn’t easy and being in a tough spot mentally or emotionally isn’t to be diminished. We all have challenges.
That’s where gratitude becomes our friend.
What can we be thankful for?
Where have we gotten a few lucky breaks?
What are things that should be appreciated more?
Coping is a part of life and sometimes it starts in our mind.
How we think could alter how we feel.
How we feel can determine our actions.
Our actions move us forward to a more desired place of joy and happiness.
Start with gratitude.
That perspective will keep us afloat and propel us toward a better tomorrow.
Compound Interest
When we’re working toward something and enjoying the journey then we’ve already obtained success.
There isn’t some arbitrary fixed time when things should happen.
It doesn’t work that way.
Keep enjoying the process.
Consistency compounds over time.
Become A Lifer
It’s impossible to split up “Professional Life” and “Personal life”
These aren’t separate entities.
There is just Life.
When we’re working we may be weighed down by family trauma.
When we’re with a friend we may be thinking about a work project.
When we’re tired we may have to muster up the energy to go to the gym knowing we have work to do after.
We may need to stop working on a project to attend our kids’ game.
When we are looking at buying a house, moving, traveling, etc it can be impacted by our work and the financial rewards from that work.
It all overlaps and intertwines into a messy unrelenting knot that can’t be undone.
Recognizing that should put us at ease. We don’t have to fake it or try to make it all work perfectly into this “work-life balance” box.
It’s nonsense. There is just balance.
We are balancing work, kids, friends, romantic partners, hobbies, and tragedy and triumph.
It’s randomness every day.
We have to stop putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect. It doesn’t exist.
Map out your day, figure out what works for you, and take a deep breath.
Balance comes with accepting all the challenges we have not ignoring them.
Imagine and Create It
Is the life you have today the one you want?
If not, it’s the perfect time to start creating a new one for yourself.
Thinking you have to have it all figured out is your imaginary blockade to start.
Starting anything is like venturing down a trail that hasn’t been shaped yet.
We get to create the path.
There will be thorny bushes, large gorges, and steep hills along with beautiful flat terrain that reflects beauty for miles in the distance.
There is no exact path or a perfect way to go.
There is no “if I do this then that will happen”.
It doesn’t work like that.
It’s about taking a leap and forging ahead and making decisions that align with our values and vision.
We’ll get scraps and scars.
The calluses will heal over.
We’ll build strength step by step.
We’ll have the courage to get up after we stumble instead of sitting on the ground and pouting.
And don’t worry about getting lost, that’ll happen, but we’ll also be finding ourselves each and every day.
Right On Time
When we compare ourselves to others and feel like we are “behind” we must remember that we may be looking at their finished product.
Their book. Their business. Their course.
It was shit at first.
Then they tweaked and edited.
They refined and practiced.
They sanded down the rough edges, eliminated what wasn’t working, and pulled it together.
Hours and hours are sitting on the cutting room floor we’ll never see.
So don’t compare. Applaud them. And then get to work.
We have a lot of editing to do on our thing.
It may not be finished yet but it doesn’t mean we are behind.
Lenny Williams
Do you know who Lenny Williams is?
What if I told you it was almost this guy…
At age 6 when Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio was getting into acting, an agent they were talking to wanted him to change his name because it sounded too “ethnic”.
But, his parents refused. It was a mix of their heritage; Italian and German.
As we think about it now, could you imagine Leo with any other name?
What’s the lesson we can learn here?
Just because someone is considered an “expert” in their field doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you.
Their opinions are rooted in their life experiences and what has appeared to work for them. They may not be always looking out for your best interest.
We have to go with what feels right.
We have to be true to ourselves.
We have to follow our gut.
Who knows if Leonardo DiCaprio would’ve ever been as big of a household name if he used the name Lenny Williams but I’m confident he never would have been if he used that agent.
They’re All Going To Laugh At You
Let them laugh.
Let them judge.
Let them gossip.
Let them dismiss.
Let them roll their eyes.
Let them go if they want to.
The people that matter don’t do any of this.
They are supportive and trustworthy.
They are caring and compassionate.
They are honest and direct.
Actions speak loudly.
Make sure you’re paying attention.
Popular Culture
The pop culture phenomena that we become awestruck with were made up of people just like you and me.
From a mixture of environment, observation, imagination, twisted reality, hard work, and a touch of luck these creations came into being.
Think Harry Potter or Hamilton, Mickey Mouse or Marvel, Toy Story or Transformers.
Something being adopted as “mainstream” or “popular” was once scribbled and scrutinized by its various creators.
Nobody was going to like them and it wasn’t going to work.
Until it did.
We might not have the next Harry Potter written but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put in the effort to make the attempt.
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do the thing we want to do and keep iterating when we feel compelled.
We may not have the next pop culture creation but our thing will be a success to us and those we surround ourselves with.
That’s all that should matter and it should be the motivation we need to start.
Eyeballs
Is it about the eyeballs or the impact?
If we are looking for traction, we have to be careful with what sort of traction we are receiving.
It feels nice to get likes and comments. New followers make us feel like we are moving in the right direction.
But we have to be careful we don’t go down a slippery slope merely to get more eyeballs.
We have to wonder if those are the eyeballs we want.
Are they going to move the needle toward the impact we want to make or is the algorithm working in our favor this time?
If we’re not careful it becomes a constant loop of seeking attention. The hamster wheel doesn’t stop. We get burned out.
Instead, put together the work that makes us proud of the achievement even if there isn’t a crowd initially.
It’s not about quick wins, it’s about long-term stability and growth.
The right eyeballs show up because of consistency and creativity.
We are believable. We are in it for the long haul. Our mission is much bigger than ourselves.
We’re there to make an impact even if we don’t always get to see who it is impacting.
Personal Experience
The only reason it appears to work is because others have been doing it.
The “winners write history” as the saying goes.
But it doesn’t mean you have to do it that way.
Take Publishing Podcast episodes, here’s how some of the best do it:
Joe Rogan = 3x / week
Tim Ferriss = 6x / month
Andrew Huberman = 5-6x / month
Dax Shepard = 4x / week
Theo Von = 1x / week
Lex Fridman = 5-6x / month
It’s good to look at those we admire but we have to make decisions that align with our vision for the future.
What’s the cadence that works best for you with your project?
If you do it long enough maybe others will think it’s the best way, too.
The “Most Argumentative” goes to…
Why is it important for us to be right?
Why do we get defensive at the first sign of an adverse response to what we believe is true?
It’s rooted in our belief in ourselves.
I received the “Most Argumentative” superlative for my senior year of high school. I lobbied for that title. I wore it like a badge of honor.
I thought it was cool to be argumentative because I hadn’t learned that healthy dialogue and constructive listening were much cooler.
Arguing was the status quo for me. It’s how my family communicated with one another. It’s how we shared our feelings. I didn’t know any better. I had believed that was how everyone communicated.
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t at fault.
As I matured, I began to recognize that there was another way forward.
It was rooted in empathy and understanding of the other person.
And it wasn’t about winning. It was about learning.
I couldn’t possibly know everything about a topic so how could I be so confident I was correct?
I wasn’t confident but I was stubborn.
I was blinded by the “belief” that I was correct.
It’s our beliefs that can hold us back.
We become steadfast and proud of what we claim is right and we hold firm in our opinions even though facts may argue otherwise.
Having a healthy debate is necessary but it’s no longer the “loudest person in the room wins.”
It’s about questions and curiosity. It’s about respectful banter. It’s about learning things from a different perspective.
It’s something we should all be willing to agree on.
A Billion To One
Of the 8 billion humans on this planet, less than a few dozen would know simple facts about our great-grandparents.
Of those, most could barely share but a few details about our great-great-grandparents.
Almost nobody has a clue about our great-great-great grandparents.
In a few generations, we won’t be remembered.
That could scare us into asking “What does it matter?” or it could invigorate us into asking “What do I have to lose?”
Energized
Where do you get energy from?
For me, it’s:
- Writing
- Podcasting
- Being a parent
- A good night’s rest
- A hard CrossFit workout
- Being around interesting people
Find the things that bring you energy and do them often.
It’s one of the keys to a happier life.
Ms. Bliss
Everything we create gets us one small step closer to pure bliss.
It’s not about producing great pieces.
Those come in waves.
It’s about producing the pieces we want to produce.
We can’t worry about how they are accepted.
We only can worry if we accept ourselves.
Leveling Up
The beginning boxers on “Mike Tyson’s Punchout” were easy to defeat.
As we leveled up, so did the challenge of the opponent we faced.
In life, we have the choice to play on the level we want. The harder levels bring their own obstacles but the rewards tend to be of greater value to us.
Do we go for the easy win or challenge ourselves with the more difficult pursuits?
Which level we are choosing to play on is a useful question to ask ourselves often.
Model Of Good Behavior
Parents who don’t let their kids on technology are hypocrites.
Adults are glued to their phones and distracted by:
- Notifications buzzing
- Emails flying in
- Social media scrolling
- Trying to find the best picture filter
Kids watch educational videos, learn strategy through gaming, and interact with other kids from around the world.
Technology broadens their intelligence and vocabulary and it deepens their curiosity and creativity.
Kids shouldn’t live on technology but exposure is key to their upbringing. It’s entrenching them in the world they are going to live in. It’s also teaching them self-control at an early age.
Technology isn’t bad if it’s used in the right way.
If we start modeling the correct behavior ourselves we’ll be more inclined to know how to pattern those behaviors in our kids and set the necessary boundaries for them to succeed.
Showing Up Is Half The Battle
You won’t become great by learning a skill.
You become great by building an ecosystem that supports that skill.
It can apply to all facets of life.
When I started CrossFit I would’ve had average results if I solely focused on lifting weights.
Instead:
I had to create a Morning Routine.
I had to create a Bedtime Routine.
I had to have a beginner learner mindset.
I had to prepare for the day ahead better.
I had to change what I ate during the day.
I had to change when I ate during the day.
I had to show up on the days I didn’t feel like it.
These new foundations in my life, that never existed before, were created.
I wouldn’t be close to what I have achieved if they hadn’t been.
This applies to the skill or activity you are learning.
Have you built the ecosystem to support your endeavor?
If not, what habits can you add or eliminate today to support it?
Now is never a bad time to start.
First Person Narrative
Get out of the game of “everyone else”
Everyone else appears to be getting lucky breaks.
Everyone else appears to be getting traction.
Everyone else appears to be productive.
Everyone else appears to be happy.
Who cares what everyone else appears to have? The important word is “appears” because we are making stories up in our heads of what we think is going on. We can’t be certain it is true.
We are playing the victim so we don’t have to take accountability.
We could easily replace it with phrasing like, “Everyone else doesn’t have ______ “ or “I’m fortunate I have ______”.
We become what we think about.
The longer we create a narrative with us as the victim our mindset skews negative. The deeper we fall into a dark hole of despair. The harder it is to come out of it.
It’s a slippery slope.
Stuck In The Mud
If our car was stuck in the mud how would we get out of that situation?
We wouldn’t keep spinning our wheels and cursing the world for putting us in this situation.
We’d assess where we’re at.
We’d look for resources.
We’d call for help.
We’d quickly create a plan of action.
It’s the same thing when we’re stuck in life.
What is our current situation?
What resources are at our disposal?
Who around us can be that “phone-a-friend”?
We can come up with a plan of action to get us out of any situation. We can change course quickly. We have opportunities all around us.
We have to make the decision to get up and get moving. It’s the only way we can stop spinning our wheels.
Cutting Room Floor
I’ve published hundreds of blog articles over the past 2 years.
I’ve also written hundreds that have never been published.
The rough drafts are rough for a reason.
The prototypes are meant to be thrown out.
The sketches and scribbles don’t make the final cut.
Sometimes we create things that’ll never get used in order to create things that can be used by many.
We would have never gotten to that point without a tremendous amount of input that lay on the cutting room floor.
Be kind to yourself.
An excess of ideas gives you more to work with to create your masterpiece.
The Heartbreak Kid
Heartbreak is one of the worst human feelings we can experience.
It ravages us deep down at our core.
But we should be grateful we get to experience it at all. It means we had the highest of highs, with wonderful moments and pleasant memories.
We felt the full spectrum of emotions from heart-bliss to heart-break.
We’ve reached the pinnacle of our emotions.
It makes us want to get back there.
It makes us want to become better.
It makes us want to make others better.
This time didn’t work out but we have to give ourselves another crack at it.
Our heart needs to feel that bliss, one more time, even with the likelihood of heartbreak, again.
Maybe this time we’ll stay up on “cloud nine” a bit longer.
Admiration
The people that inspire us were making it up as they went along.
They didn’t have it figured out either.
They were distracted.
They were depressed.
They were cruel to themselves.
They wanted to quit many times.
What inspires us is that they stuck with it through all of the shitty moments.
We don’t admire them because they did something great.
We admire them because they did something.
Expert Mode
Hang around people that want to play the game of life in “expert mode.”
They are a great teammate to support your efforts.
They love solving obstacles so they can grow wiser.
They understand that failure is a part of the process.
They realize that there is some calculated risk in the unknown.
They possess an insane amount of energy to keep pushing through the suck.
We say we want easy but what we actually want is to be confident in our pursuits.
We gain more confidence by enduring challenging times.
Oftentimes, they are also the most memorable.
Find people that have a mutual interest to support each other and grow stronger together.
Those are the best teammates when it’s time to go into battle.
Behind The Scenes
The magic happens behind the scenes.
When we see a cool video, listen to a podcast, watch a movie, or read an interesting novel, 99.9% of it was created without an audience.
To get where we want to go we have to put in the work we never have.
It’s in the prep work, the imagination, the restless nights, the crumbled-up piles of paper, and the emotional roller coaster.
Like in school, we need to show our work to get credit.
It’s no different with bringing our creations to life.
Only this time nobody else is watching.
Beginning To Balance
Knowing when to accelerate and when to break is just as important on the highway as it is on our journey in life.
We can’t go full speed ahead all day. We also can’t sit idle for too long and wait for things to happen.
Finding the balance takes time but if we don’t put the time into finding it we’ll never get it right.
How do we find it? Practice.
As a starter exercise, focus on how you get things done.
Do you get distracted easily?
Do you work better in short or long bursts?
Would you rather take a short or long break?
How do you transition from one thing to another?
Do you get more done in the mornings or evenings?
When you answer these questions it begins to shape a plan of action.
Then…
Carve out a fair amount of time to work on a task.
Take a break at a length of your choosing.
Start back on time without procrastination.
Eliminate distractions as best as possible
- Turn off notifications
- Turn on “Do not disturb”
- Close browser tabs
- Set a timer
Anything that has balance had to maneuver and wobble from side to side until they got their bearings.
Just like the first time you sat behind the wheel of a car, it takes practice to know the amount of pressure we have to put on each peddle to make it start and stop.
The more we practice the greater the opportunity for a balanced life.
Adventures Of A + K
I’ve been podcasting for 5 1/2 years with most of the interviews taking place virtually.
It has its benefits with the flexibility of scheduling around a full-time job but it can lose the connection of being in the presence of someone and feeling that energy.
So, when I get to meet my guests in person, either during the interview or after, it hits home for me.
I’m making a deeper connection than just an interview. It’s a bond we have for the rest of our lives.
Some people I’ll never speak to again.
Others become peers and we support one another.
And some become friends.
Recently, I got to meet Adam and Kathryn Fraser of the Adventures or A+K (super cool people!) who joined the Just Get Started Podcast in 2020.
They travel around in their Sprinter Van, visit National Parks and other local hot spots around the country, and document their journey through their blog and YouTube channel. (https://adventuresofaplusk.com/)
After all these years trading messages through a phone and talking over the internet it was refreshing to see them up close.
To give them a hug, share stories, and trade some laughs.
It’s what we all need.
It’s what we should seek out more often.
The Go-Giver
My 10-year-old son finished the “Go-Giver” recently. It’s one of the most beloved business books with the central theme around giving.
I asked him to recap the most valuable lessons he learned from reading the book. I share them below exactly as he shared them with me.
1. Money isn’t everything – there can be other things that have value instead of just money.
2. The key to successful giving is to be open to receiving – you have to be open to receiving from others. If you’re not open to receiving you’re taking away someone else’s chance to give.
3. People aren’t always what they seem – You might think that one person is something but they might be different from what you were thinking they were initially.
Kids have the capacity to learn if we expose them to the opportunity for it.
The “Go-Giver” wouldn’t be considered a book for kids but its structure and story lend themselves nicely.
The lessons are timeless.
Our kids will surprise us with what they can handle.
Don’t be afraid to let them step outside the box and explore.
Collaboration Station
Don’t compare or compete, collaborate.
Comparison can make us depressed and feel like we’re not doing enough.
Competing can move us off course because we might have a different outcome goal than someone else.
But collaboration is where growth happens.
We surround ourselves with others who are eager and ambitious.
We discuss ideas and apply them to our situation.
We feed off of the energy.
We have accountability.
Don’t compare or compete.
Find people who are willing to collaborate.
It might give us the push we need to keep moving forward.
The Wise Ones
Consider why the person telling you to not go after your “thing” is telling you that.
People don’t want you to move to another level.
It makes them look bad.
It makes them feel less of themselves.
So what’s more important, shrinking so someone else doesn’t feel bad or trying to live your most fulfilling life?
Stop listening to the naysayers.
They don’t have your best interest in mind.
Guidance Counselor
We should stop making kids pick a career path in high school.
Who is actually doing what they said they were going to do in high school?
Instead, let’s take a page out of Seth Godin’s book and ask them this question.
“If you knew you were going to fail what would you do anyways?”
It’ll be a compass to point them in a clearer direction.
When we pick careers that early we put fences around ourselves.
We lock ourselves into a life of servitude with something we may not actually enjoy.
Instead, we need to let our kids roam free and explore a bit of the world.
Let them do things they enjoy and see what they accomplish.
There will be time for them to work.
If they do it right, the work they choose may not feel much like work after all.
You Can’t Do It
“You’re not a Children’s book author”
That was a loop running in my head daily back in 2012 after I had written most of my first children’s book.
Then I shelved it for 7 years. Why?
Inadequate and self-loathing Brian joined in on the party daily.
I kept telling myself I wasn’t good enough.
I wasn’t a writer, or an author and had any business thinking so.
Looking back it is laughable how much I let the “old Brian” control the steering wheel with that negative thinking.
What wasn’t I good enough for?
It wasn’t good enough for me because I put other people on these unimaginable pedestals that they were somehow so different and I needed to “stay in my lane.”
Do you know the only difference?
They started.
They put in the work.
They reaped the benefits of failure and then would iterate and expand on it.
They had the courage to create their life, not just let it happen.
They weren’t miles ahead of me.
They were on their own path.
Their journey was totally different.
They decided to put a line in the sand and cross over to the other side.
They made commitments to themselves and stuck with it.
It was non-negotiable.
That was the difference between 2012 and 2019 when I picked back up the project and decided to complete the book, “Luke’s 1st Round of Golf”
I “burned all of the boats.”
There was no turning back now.
I was done negotiating with myself.
I was done letting an old way of thinking control me.
I was done living in fear of the unknown.
I wasn’t ready to tackle all that was ahead but that didn’t stop me from starting.
It was the only choice I allowed myself to have.
The Golf Guy
If you asked me 15-years-ago I was going to be one of the best PGA Teaching Professionals in the country.
Golf was what I knew and it was the only thing I was highly excited about.
But we evolve and change our colors.
We don’t have to stay how we were.
One of the hardest points of my life was leaving the golf industry.
I was the “golf guy” in town and around my friend groups.
When you thought of Brian you thought about golf.
They were synonymous.
I was tied to that identity.
It was difficult to leave.
But I had to. I was being pulled in another direction.
When we become open to new ideas and expose ourselves to unique opportunities, although scarier and unknown, we can create a level of happiness we never could’ve imagined for ourselves.
It doesn’t mean you have to leave your career, friends, or spouse.
It doesn’t mean you have to do anything.
But if you are questioning where you are at at this moment in your life it’s not a bad thing to expose yourself to the question of “what if?”
What if I was willing to step into the unknown because it felt right?
What if I made better choices for what I wanted?
What if I learned new skills that interested me?
The next phase of our life may not look like our current one but we must make choices about what we want and choose a path leading in that direction.
Otherwise, we may waste years living an identity that doesn’t suit us any longer.
Virtual Reality
If you’re struggling to start, find a “virtual mentor” to be your guide. It doesn’t matter who it is.
Who is someone you look up to and admire that inspires you to be better?
For Joe Rogan, it was Sam Kinison.
For Billie Eilish, it was Avril Lavigne.
For Kim Kardashian, it was Jennifer Lopez.
Let them be your motivator if you’re stuck.
At some point, they had to start, too.
Connecting The Dots
It’s about connection.
Human beings connecting with other human beings.
I don’t care what type of relationship it is:
Parents and children
Husbands and wives
Doctors and patients
Friendships
Co-workers
In-laws
The list is endless but the result is the same.
We are emotional creatures and we need the energy that is created through connection.
We can’t live in a cave by ourselves.
We can’t shelter in and bang away on the keyboard.
We have to seek out these connections and create experiences from them.
Experiencing life with others is the most enjoyable way I’ve found to be human.
Scars
We all have scars.
Some use them to remind themselves they are the victim.
Some use them to remind themselves they are strong and can endure anything that comes their way.
Our perspective and attitude are the compasses that’ll take us in one of two directions.
The question is, which path is going to serve us the most?
I Woke Up Like This
If we wake up every day trying to do our best the hard work pays off eventually.
We never know when it’s going to click but we keep at it.
Day by day.
Minute by minute.
Second by second.
Progress is made.
We’ve moved another step forward.
We’re closer to where we want to be.
If that doesn’t bring us happiness I’m not sure what will.
Dynasty
The most cherished sports dynasties in the world are coveted because of a long run of winning outwardly.
But it’s the things that nobody talks about that makes them a dynasty.
Putting in the reps on the practice field, mostly on the fundamentals.
Supporting each other when players had an off night.
Trusting them when the game is on the line.
Never talking trash about their teammates.
Leaving them alone when they need it.
Being their biggest cheerleader.
Being a shoulder to cry on.
Relationships are like sports dynasties, in a way. The great ones have a long track record of “winning” because they are built on the foundation of trust, respect, support, and communication.
It’s not about perfection.
It’s about showing up time after time.
Together.
As a team.
Moving The Needle
One of the hardest things I’ve had to do as a parent is let my son fail.
He’s extremely passionate when he puts his mind to something but can get frustrated rather quickly when he doesn’t “get it”.
That’s when the instinct to step in and help bubbles up.
But I stop myself. I have to let him struggle. He has to do it on his own.
It’s the only way he’s going to realize that pouting, arguing, or complaining doesn’t move the needle.
It’s through focused practice that does.
It’s a lesson for me as much as it is for him.
We all struggle but it’s with patience and perseverance that we can work through the hard parts and come out the other side more confident and resilient.
We become stronger because of it.
A Moment Like This
At the moment, we feel like this is going to last forever.
We’ll have more opportunities, like this one, to do it again.
Things end far too abruptly but the worst pain is the slow-burning kind.
The ones where we could’ve invested more time but took it all for granted.
Those are the ones that hurt the most.
We may not be able to control the abrupt changes life offers but we have to recognize the ones that are coming up in the distance.
Be grateful for the opportunities when they are in your possession and recognize that each day is one less you’ll be able to do this.
They are precious reminders of the changing tides of life.
Squeeze The Creative Juices
When creativity flows one of the worst things we can do is suppress it.
We can’t be certain that the idea or flow of consciousness will ever come again.
We must embrace it head-on.
Write it down.
Start building.
Give yourself a start.
It won’t be complete today but we’ve seeded an idea that was stuck inside and wanted to be released.
It’s now out of our heads.
It’s become real.
It’s time to act on it.
Pavlov’s Dog
We all know the Pavlov Dog experiment.
Ring the bell. A treat appears.
Ring the bell. A treat appears.
Ring the bell. A treat appears.
The dog is expecting the treat after the next bell rings.
It’s conditioned to. Just like we are.
When we are mistreated, abused, disrespected or discarded we start to form patterns in our brain that try to connect the dots with every situation we encounter.
We try to find similarities to prove it’s the same.
Our default is to think that it’s going to transpire again.
We have been conditioned for it.
This is where we have an opportunity for growth.
We can have a pattern interrupt.
We can shift our thinking.
Just because the old way didn’t serve us doesn’t mean it’ll always be this way.
Let’s outthink the dog. Let’s not be ready to pounce once we hear the bell.
With a new mindset our treat can become the thing we’ve always wanted.
But only if we are open to receiving it.
Peak Of Good Living
Life is full of peaks and valleys.
If you never have days that feel off then how would you know what you need to work on?
The peaks are always memorable because it’s the valleys that make them stand out.
Embrace the bad days.
They make us who we are.
Lifetime Engagement
At 15, I was thinking in days.
At 25, I was thinking in years.
By 35, I was thinking in decades.
I’ve never felt more present each day because of that mindset change.
Discover a purpose and you can live it for the rest of your life.
Centenarian Club
When I asked my 100-year-old great-uncle what has been the most important part of his life it all came down to relationships.
His relationship with his parents
His relationship with his sisters
His relationship with his wife
His relationship with his friends
It was his relationships that made for a fulfilling and happy life.
Sometimes they last for a day.
Sometimes they last for a season.
Sometimes they last for a lifetime.
But, more than anything they make a lasting imprint on our lives.
We can all take something from that reflection.
Starter Jacket
Let’s acknowledge all of the “Starters” and not just the Entrepreneurs.
A lot of things posted on social media categorize the people “doing things” only as entrepreneurs.
That’s a small minority.
Here’s to all of the people who recently:
- Started that garden
- Dedicated time to reading
- Added a walking meeting
- Asked out a person they liked
- Put healthier options in their shopping cart
- Pondered what was giving them anxiety
- Started to learn an instrument
- Put in time on an idea they had
If you’re starting something then I want to give you a big virtual high five.
You’ve crested a hill many are unwilling to climb.
Keep up the great work and keep going!
Fresh Start
Nothing happens until you start.
No experience.
No learning.
No failure.
No nothing.
If we keep it up in our heads or push it aside for one more day it only eats at us like a dead carcass rotting in the road.
Slowly and painfully until we hate ourselves for it.
Regret creeps in and it adds stress to our lives.
We have to do ourselves a favor and start.
It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect.
It just has to be what we want to do.
Maintenance Schedule
There’s a reason we call consistent maintenance on our vehicles “routine” or “preventive”. It’s so that we don’t go without checking in and understanding where it needs some work before it breaks down completely.
How honest are we with ourselves about our own “routine maintenance”?
Do we prioritize this at all?
If:
- We are scattered each day with no consistent schedule
- We prioritize others before prioritizing ourselves
- Are always feeling like we are behind
- Are never satisfied with the results.
Then it might be time for a check-in.
Asking ourselves questions like:
- Why are we not holding ourselves accountable for specific scheduling of activity, sleep, etc?
- Why are we unwilling to give ourselves time before we let others control it?
- Why does this always get chopped in favor of other “priorities”?
- Why do we do so much and feel it’s not enough?
- Are most of these tasks even important to us?
We have to prioritize the “check-in” and it can’t be once a year like our annual physical.
It needs to be constant. It needs to become routine.
Otherwise, we have gotten so out of whack that we aren’t sure where to begin.
Start now.
Get ahead of it.
Make it a routine practice.
We’ll prevent a complete breakdown and save ourselves a lot of heartache in the process.
Constructing Fear
Fear creates walls around us.
Walls where we hope, by constructing them, we don’t get harmed by perceived threats.
For added measure, fear puts a roof overtop us to shelter from any potential future storm. There are no windows or doors. We fortified the fortress.
Better not even walk outside, there is some probability it’ll rain at some point.
Fear limits us. We are confined by these walls. We think they are keeping us safe but they are actually stifling our growth.
We need to spread our wings. We need to be free.
It doesn’t mean we have to sprint out of the house and frolic in unchartered land. It just means we need to inch ourselves forward, create an opening in the foundation, and peak out.
There are many ways to deal with fear. The first is to understand that it’s all made up in our own heads.
It’s a fictional story.
It’s an imaginary friend.
Try just one small thing today to lean into fear and then ask yourself “Did this really cause me any harm?”
The answer may surprise you.
It may give you the confidence to try it again tomorrow.
Who knows, you might be playing outside your comfort zone in no time at all.
Just Do It
Nothing that is going to be worth it, in the long run, will be easy to start today.
So if you’re wondering if should you do it or not, the answer is an emphatic YES!
Because here’s the thing, what’s the worse that could happen?
Most likely it will end up less painful than the regret you’ll feel from not making the attempt.
A Chat With An Old Friend
I had a surreal experience recently.
It’s something I’ll plan on doing more often.
I closed my eyes for my meditation practice but his time, instead of breath work and centering myself, I tried something different.
I went back to a memory of myself as a teenager and I pulled out a vision of a room in my house during that time of my life. It was an addition we added to the house. There was a couch up against the wall I used to sit on often. I honed in on that spot.
Then, it got a bit weird.
I sat with him. Well, him being me. Although a much younger version.
My current self sitting across from my teenage self.
That young, nieve, scared, confused young man looking back at me.
And we talked.
I told him being scared means you care. It means you believe in what you are doing but haven’t mustered up the courage to act.
I told him that the bridge you have to cross to gain courage is a leap of faith. It’s where confidence builds and strength comes from.
I told him that even at my age, you won’t have all the answers and in fact, many more questions.
We talked about a lot of things.
He even questioned me.
It was sobering.
It made me realize I still have work to do.
Self-reflection is one of the most generous actions we can take for ourselves. We turn inward to learn where we’ve come from and it helps us build the foundation for a better tomorrow.
You may not go deep into your past and talk to your younger self but sitting for a few minutes each day with your eyes closed will help you grow to appreciate the moment.
Give yourself that time to reflect as it’ll compound into something unimaginable.
Negotiation Tactics
The difference between kids and adults is that kids almost exclusively do things that are either fun, challenging, or both. They don’t waste time on the things that they don’t enjoy. They don’t have the patience for it.
Adults are quite the opposite. Most days we spend doing things we don’t enjoy. We “suck it up” and put in a hard day’s work. We curse our jobs and want to find things that bring us more fun and excitement.
There’s a lesson in there.
Kids don’t negotiate with themselves. Adults almost always do.
Want to enjoy life more? Want to have more fun? Want to discover happiness at a higher rate?
Remove things that aren’t serving you.
Do what you say you’re going to do.
Hold yourself accountable.
When you stop negotiating with yourself a clearer direction follows.
Magic Show
Don’t fall for the misdirection, the rabbit being pulled out of the hat, the flash mob.
We are often blinded by the “vocal minority” and the “dog and pony show” that is going on.
It dominates the narrative but we can’t fall for the trap of getting sucked into it.
Be skeptical. Be curious. Ask questions.
Are we being fed the truth or is it only partially true?
Seek out the truth yourself.
Don’t get lazy.
Go deeper.
It takes courage to question the things that are ingrained in us but it is one of the important parts of growth.
If we can question our own beliefs then what else can we question? What else is appearing to be the truth that may end up not being correct at all?
Are we going to believe the rabbit magically appeared in the hat or is there another side of the story that we would be willing to consider?
Starter Kit
Nothing happens until we start.
No experience.
No learning.
No failure.
No nothing.
If we keep it up in our heads or push it aside for one more day it only eats at us like a dead carcass rotting in the road.
Slowly and painfully until we hate ourselves for it.
Regret creeps in and it adds stress to our lives.
We have to do ourselves a favor and start.
It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect.
It just has to be what we want to do.
Turn That Frown Upside Down
Grab a pen and paper or open your Notes app on your phone and write down the 5 things that are bothering you the most right now in your life. Whatever is taking up space in your head and troubling you.
There are no wrong answers.
Give yourself a second to write these things down. Their writing of them is important as it makes them become more real.
Now that you have your five, I’d like you to rephrase all of them into a statement that resembles something more positive, “glass half full”, and optimistic.
For instance, if one of your complaints was…
My job is so stressful and I feel like I can never catch up at all. The work keeps piling up.
Maybe rewriting it to be positive looks something like this…
With the job being so stressful lately it’s helping me prioritize the things in my life that are the most important to me and I want to work toward doing those more often.
I’m making up a random example but the point is that a positive mindset always wins. I love the quote by Earl Nightingale which says, “We become what we think about.” If we are thinking negatively, complaining often, and always upset then that’s how we will perceive the world. We’ll be frustrated, closed off from conversations, and be looking at everything from a “glass half empty” perspective.
However, if we can use what is bothering us into positive momentum forward then we can create a brand new perspective on life. One that is filled with gratitude and hope. One with a more opportunistic view of each situation we are in.
Change is a long, tedious process, and getting to the starting line to change for the better is hard enough. We must recognize that our minds control our actions and our actions determine what direction we move in.
If our mind isn’t right then our actions are going to suffer.
The first step in doing that is creating a new narrative on our life. A new storyline. One with hope and optimism instead of doom and gloom.
Find the courage to write these thoughts down and hold yourself accountable to changing the tone and attitude of the message and you’ll start to change your mindset for the better.
You’ll become what you think about.
Rocky
Today I:
- Questioned myself (many times)
- Compared myself to others
- Felt like an Imposter
- Had a pity party
- Procrastinated
- Was impatient
- Got Rejected
- Complained
And that was all before dinner.
Each day is like a right hook from Ivan Drago.
We need to take the punches like Rocky.
Remember, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”
We are where we are today because we stood in the ring and took a beating, mostly from ourselves.
We may have gotten knocked down but we rose back up from the mat and kept fighting.
We have to believe we have the strength to overcome any new obstacle standing in our way.
We have enough battle scars to prove it.
Purpose Driven Life
I imagine there we people in 1823 writing down their thoughts, their fears, and their desires for a better world. They were trying to craft new inventions and believing that they could make a greater impact.
They pushed forward.
They tinkered and failed.
They wanted better for themselves
They wanted a better world for their children.
But why?
Why do any of us strive to do anything more than sit around and let life pass by?
It comes down to purpose. It gives the great days momentum and the bad ones hope for a better tomorrow.
Purpose can be anything. It doesn’t have to be grandiose. It doesn’t have to be landing on Mars. It just has to be real to each of us.
What do we feel at our core?
What do we believe the world should look like?
Where can we make an impact?
That’s our purpose.
If you’ve “found it” then you know. If you haven’t then you aren’t that far behind.
You just have to start looking, trying, testing and tasting. You have to be willing to trust your instincts and respect what your thoughts are guiding you toward.
In time, it’ll click. Something inside you that gives you that focus you haven’t witnessed before. That fire to want to do more. The willingness to step out of the warm blanket of comfort and be naked to the world.
It makes us alive, again and again, as we dig deeper and learn more. We may not be understood by others around us but we understand ourselves more than we ever have before.
That’s what we should all strive for.
That’s what makes life worth living.
That’s the purpose.
Journal To The Center Of Our Soul
Some people don’t like journaling. It takes time, effort, and the willingness to bring our deepest thoughts into the world.
It can be scary.
But I’ll encourage you to try it.
Why?
It helps us stay present.
It slows down our minds.
It gives us an opportunity to reflect.
“Therapy” can be a variety of things. Writing has been the best therapy for me.
It may not end up being your jam but giving it a chance might open up your mind to a new way of thinking and help you through the stresses and worries of life.
If you’re open to it, here’s what I do. Borrow what you like, change what you don’t.
I journal prior to bed for 5-10 minutes and ask myself 4 questions.
What am I grateful for today and Why?
What was the biggest lesson I learned today?
What thoughts/anxieties/stress can I “let go” of from my mind?
What 1 big task do I need to accomplish tomorrow and when (what time) will I complete it?
Using this format helps me get thoughts out of my head and onto paper prior to bed. I feel better and fall asleep much easier.
Journaling is one of many formats to engage your thoughts and recognize life as it’s happening.
If you’re willing to try it you might find it as valuable as I do.
Motivational Speaking
I don’t work out because I’m in a good mood.
I’m in a good mood because I work out.
When we’re in a rut, moving our bodies help the positive energy start to flow.
Move to enhance your mood.
Don’t wait for the motivation, create it.
A Beautiful Mind And Body
You can create the mind and body you want from nothing.
Do not convince yourself otherwise.
It takes patience.
It takes hard work.
It takes confidence.
It takes a will to walk the lesser-worn path.
If you’re unhappy, if you’re stuck, if you’re thinking it’s insurmountable, I promise you it’s not.
When you can lean into the fear, quiet the noise of the crowd and overcome the feeling that you’re never good enough there’s no feeling like it.
It’s pure bliss.
It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard. It’ll be so hard. But that’s why it’s worth it.
The only thing you have to lose is the ability to be the happiest you’ve ever been.
Don’t let that happen.
Don’t ever let that happen again.
Captain’s Log
Day 14,674
Promising results today but, alas, I still haven’t figured out this thing called life.
Must keep learning and growing from each experience.
More experiments to follow.
Don’t give up.
You’re close.
Lead A Horse To Water
We can lead a horse to water but we can’t make them drink. FALSE
We can share travel tips, encourage risk aversion, and offer practical guidance but we can’t lead them to the water because they are walking an entirely different path than we are.
That journey is for them to embark on.
They have to make the decision to start.
They have to be willing to adapt and change.
They have to live with the outcomes.
The decisions are all their own.
Seed Round
Ideas are everywhere. They’re in our head, a notebook, a spark of inspiration from an observation.
Think of an idea as a seed on the ground.
There are thousands of those scattered around. We walk over them as quickly as they appear in front of us and they disappear in a flash behind us.
Not all seeds get fertilized. In fact, very few do.
Without the right conditions, they have no chance of turning into a majestic Redwood.
Execution is vital to its growth.
The same goes for our ideas.
House Cleaning
It’s difficult to help others when we haven’t helped ourselves first.
We need to get our house in order.
We owe it to ourselves to do the work necessary to understand why we are feeling at our worst and what makes us energized at our best.
Sometimes it’s easier to remove the negative elements first as that opens the airways to let a breath of fresh air in.
Where do we start? We could ask ourselves a simple question, “What is giving me anxiety today?”
The exploration of that answer is a new beginning to our understanding.
We’ve found our home-base.
Now we can pave a path forward.
10-Year Old Wisdom
As a parent, I’m constantly amazed. Yes, this is a proud dad post but it’s a lesson we all can take.
Cliffs Notes: I noticed my son loving musicals and encouraged him to watch/listen more. He recently started Musical Theatre classes and he knows every word to the show Hamilton so he wanted a hat and outfit to look like Lin-Manual Miranda’s character in the broadway show.
At school, they had a “play day” to bring in a toy to play with in the class. He wanted to bring his hat and he wrote this note as a reminder.
So what, right?
Read the last line of his note.
Why not?
I didn’t know a 10-year-old could have that much perspective.
Why not?
What’s the worst that would happen?
Why can’t we do the things that make us happy and show our best selves to the world?
I smiled reading that note. Who am I kidding, I shed a tear, as well.
What can we all take from this?
Why not…
Start that hobby.
Start that business.
Ask that person out.
Show up as you are.
Forge your own path.
Believe you are good enough.
It’s a powerful question we should be asking ourselves daily.
The old saying “be the change you want to see in the world” starts with one question.
Why not?
Elementary My Dear Watson
A question I’ve pondered in recent years which has been one of the catalysts to personal growth is, “What could I be wrong about?”
If we are open to the uncomfortableness that comes with the answer it will unequivocally alter our perspective.
Like a detective, we are more aware of our surroundings and look for clues that may inform us of a deeper truth.
Ego is replaced by Humility.
The depths of our knowledge become infinite.
Remember Death
There will be a last time for everything.
The last time talking to my brother.
The last time picking up my son.
The last time seeing a sunset.
A last round of golf.
Facing mortality should give us gratitude for the opportunities in front of us.
The things we do today may end up being the last time we get to experience them.
That shouldn’t scare us.
It should energize us.
It should inspire us to go after it with vigor and excitement.
To put our full energy and focus into it.
To lean in deep and relish the moment.
Memento mori (Remember, death.)
How To Eat An Elephant
We don’t read a whole book in one sitting.
It’s done Paragraph by paragraph.
Chapter by chapter.
Word by word.
That’s how any meaningful work is completed.
Small actions compound into big results.
If you’re struggling to start, what one action has to happen to get you going forward?
Forget step #2 right now. It doesn’t matter.
What’s the first step?
Do it today!
Start building that compounding effect our future selves will be grateful for.
A Needed Break
Here’s my encouragement today.
After you read this, wherever you are…
1. Set a 5 min timer on your phone
2. Put your phone away (preferably on “Do Not Disturb” as well)
3. Sit or lay down with your eyes closed
4. Focus on your breath and let your mind wander wherever it takes you.
Everything and everybody can wait.
Take those 5 minutes to be still.
Do it for yourself.
You need this.
It’s Gonna Be Me
I’ve been bleeding the Just Get Started mission for several years.
The Podcast.
The Blogging.
The Children’s Books.
The Sales Consulting.
The Coaching calls and guidance.
The venturing out into the dark wilderness.
Almost weekly (or daily) I kick myself thinking I’m not good enough.
I shouldn’t be doing any of this.
Nobody is going to listen.
Nobody is going to care.
I’m not worthy.
And then I look in the mirror and ask myself the question I’ve asked hundreds of times.
“Why can’t it be you?”
Why can’t you be the one to help others who are struggling?
Why can’t you be the one to spread kindness to the world?
Why can’t you be the one to live a purposeful life?
Why can’t you be anything you desire to be?
The struggle is fucking real.
The fear.
The self-doubt.
The comparison bias.
The self-limiting beliefs.
The imposter syndrome.
We all have it. We all go through it. Nobody is immune to the demons lurking in our minds.
But, we press on, every day toward our “North Star” because it is bigger than any of us.
To shine goodness in the world and bring forth a new age of vulnerability and transparency that can help us bond and adapt together.
Whatever demons you’re trying to fend off just know you’re not alone.
We see you.
We hear you.
We are going through it, too.
Every time we get down on ourselves we must be willing to stand tall, face the mirror, and ask ourselves, “Why can’t it be you?”
And then look that person straight into the fucking eyes and answer with an emphatic, “It can be and it will be.”
Speed Racer
One of the benefits of youth is sheer speed, going full force into the unknown without worry or compromise. We don’t think of the consequences until we fall flat on our faces again and again.
This is how we gain wisdom.
One of the products of wisdom is understanding pacing, timing, reasoning, and risk assessment.
We may not be able to “top out” our speed as we did as kids but we’ve learned why that isn’t necessary and there are alternative angles to approach a situation from.
Where we lack speed we’ve gained wisdom.
Speed gave us the chance to explore and uncover a new world for ourselves.
Wisdom has kept us from falling into too many traps.
Both are valuable for their own purposes.
Jigsaw Puzzle
Ever hear the phrase, “They were the one that got away”?
This isn’t exactly true. If they “got away”, for one reason or another, they didn’t mesh with our life.
Like a puzzle, some pieces clearly don’t fit while others appear to until we look much closer and observe with a keen eye.
Look around at the people in your life; our tribe, our community, our circle, whatever we want to call them, are there for a reason.
We’ve chosen them and they’ve chosen us.
We fit because we both chose to make it fit.
In our own unique, weird, off-the-wall way, we fit.
There’s no need to force the pieces.
The puzzle comes together effortlessly.
Free Your Mind
What have you changed your mind on in the past year?
Growth isn’t about doubling down on our beliefs and digging our heels in but recognizing that there is a big world out there filled with new ideas and different perspectives.
It’s not that we have to believe it all but we ought to be willing to listen.
Acceptance and gratitude become the guideposts to follow.
An open mind is our catalyst to change.
Slow The F Down
Why are you going so fast?
Where are you trying to rush to?
Have you considered what you’re missing out on right now?
Look around, smell the roses, and take in the fact that you get to be in this moment.
Soon enough, it’ll pass us by.
Sparklers
One hour.
One minute.
One second.
One new idea.
One purposeful decision.
A spark that lights a thousand future flames starts with one cataclysmic moment.
We can’t agonize about a year out or five or even ten.
We need to focus on today.
On the present.
On right now.
This could be the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
If we’re willing to seize it.
F.O.M.O.
Replace “Fear of missing out” with “Joy of missing out” and a next level mindset shift happens.
We begin to choose ourselves.
Happiness flows from there.
Day Of Rememberance
On this day last year, do you remember what you were worrying about and losing sleep over?
Today’s worries will most likely be like that, eventually.
They’ll feel bigger at the moment but hardly make a dent in your memory.
Most are insignificant.
Accept that the worry will be there but be willing to let it go before it sours our mood and adds unnecessary stress to our life.
Because this too shall pass.
40 Is The New 30
When I was 30 years old I was:
- Entitled
- Complacent
- Unorganized
- Undisciplined
- Closed-minded
- In loads of debt
I’ll be 40 this month, and none of the above is true anymore.
Change doesn’t happen instantly but it’s making the commitment to change that is the catalyst to produce profound results.
If you don’t like where you are I have great news.
You are in control.
Are you willing to commit to changing it?
One Step Away
Some people slow down running toward 1st base.
Others run full speed straight through the bag.
Knowing who we are can inform us where we are starting from. It doesn’t mean we can’t change if we want to.
We’re only one decision away from changing the entire trajectory of our future.
Not a hundred decisions.
Just one.
The next one is all that matters.
Make The Attempt
Failure is just an attempt. Let’s not romanticize it anymore otherwise, we overthink trying.
We failed to talk until we didn’t.
We failed to walk until we didn’t.
We failed addition until we didn’t.
We failed to ride a bike until we didn’t.
We failed to throw a ball until we didn’t.
We’ve failed countless times so why is this next attempt any different?
We are better off because of all of it; the success, the learning, the pain, and the suffering.
Nobody is throwing a perfect game in life.
Just act like we’re playing catch in the backyard.
It’s supposed to be fun even if we make a poor attempt from time to time.
Clear And Present Happiness
Can we honestly say to ourselves, “I’m happy today?”
If we can it’s important to understand why? What is happening or has happened where we feel this moment, right now, is a moment of happiness? We can’t repeat it exactly but we can work to replicate it again and again.
The same holds true if the answer is “No”. Why aren’t we happy? What are the contributing factors to unhappiness?
Recognizing these puts us in a position to learn what isn’t serving us and navigate away from it.
Happiness is a feeling, a moment, a benchmark in a time of stress-free living.
Are we willing to do the work to understand how we can create more of this?
Just Go With It
There’s no downside to going for it.
Best case, you get the thing you went for. Worst case, it was a complete and utter train wreck.
But here’s the thing, the worst case is forgotten much quicker than the regret of not doing it.
Regret lingers. It stews. It’s like the annoying neighbor that overstays their welcome.
Putting it out into the universe is the only way to go. We can make up stories in our heads but we don’t know what happens until it happens.
We have to act and let the universe work as it does.
No promises about the result that comes out of it.
But even failing spectacularly is much better than the alternative.
Community Builder
As the 2023 CrossFit Open kicks off, I was thinking about my 5 years at CrossFitRTP and the incredible community we have there.
This quote came to mind…
“Home is when people notice when you’re not there” – Alexander Hayman
It always feels like home walking in there.
People from different walks of life come together for similar reasons.
To feel welcomed and supported.
To build a stronger mind and body.
To prove that they can do hard things.
Wishing everyone finds a place that they can call “home”.
Ultra-Marathon
Play the entire game and add it all up at the end.
This is a mantra we’d all stand to benefit from.
Too often when we think we are “behind” it knocks us off our balance and bruises our ego. We throw our hands up and say, “What’s the point? I’ll never win.”
What is “winning” anyway?
Is it the physical prize at the end or is it the incalculable growth we made by pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone and into a new dimension of learning?
Far too often we are disappointed with the perceived “L” but fail to recognize it’s priming us for something bigger and better up ahead.
All of these reps are going to pay off for us, eventually.
We may not win this leg of the race but rest assured we’ll be prepared for the next.
Don’t give up before the race is over.
Wait But Why?
I used to be the “I’ll get started on Monday” type.
I became the “just get started now” type.
That single mindset shift changed my life.
I promise it’ll change yours, too.
Throw The Change Up
If we don’t like our shirt, we change it.
If we don’t like our job, we get a new one.
If we don’t like our relationships, we end them.
If we don’t like our thoughts, we can change them, too.
We do become what we think about.
Negative thoughts create negative actions.
If we change the way we think our whole perspective, attitude, and life can shift dramatically.
Sometimes oversimplification is what we all need.
Being Human
One of the more liberating thoughts we can have is knowing that not one single human being has life figured out.
We all struggle with insecurity
We all compare ourselves to others
We all go through periods of depression
We all think we aren’t close to good enough
We know we’re going to fail
We know we’re going to fuck things up
We know we’re going to beat ourselves up
Accepting these emotions frees us up to be fully present and aware.
Willing to give it our all knowing there’s a good chance it might not work out.
The effort is all we can control.
We figure it out from there.
Exercise Discipline
It doesn’t matter your age, sex, economic status, ethnicity, GPA, IQ, or any other factor for that matter.
Discipline is a skill everyone has the opportunity to learn and utilize.
It doesn’t mean we won’t fight excuses or resistance, or never get stuck again.
Those things are inevitable.
But, discipline helps us:
Commit to change
Articulate our vision for the future.
Ignite our sheer determination and willpower.
It allows us to find focus and fulfillment where we were scattered and distracted before.
Discipline takes practice and patience to develop but it’s one of the most useful skills we’ll ever come to learn.
A New Hope
It’s hard not to be a “prisoner of the moment.”
We uncover neat experiences.
We discover new opportunities
We are wowed by new people.
Unfortunately, one of the more difficult things in life is to accept that these don’t always last.
That although we might create great memories, these moments pass by.
That shouldn’t make us sad. It should give us hope.
Hope that more will be around the next bend.
Hope that we will continue to recognize these as they present themselves.
Hope that as we grow so will the value of the experiences, opportunities, and people we encounter.
We could be sad that the moments are ending or we could be grateful that we had them at all.
We choose our path. What happens on it is sometimes out of our control.
All we can do is embrace the moments that come our way because we never know how long we have them.
The Happiness Factor
When we are growing up we have a tendency to want more.
- More toys.
- More snacks.
- More video games.
- More time playing with friends.
What is hard to understand in those formative years is that the “more” we crave adds unnecessary responsibility and stress to our lives.
Unfortunately, we carry this into adulthood.
We think we want:
- More money = Working more hours
- More “toys” = Needing to make more money to pay for them
- More status = Needing the newest and most luxurious toys to stand out
Inevitably, there comes a time when most of us realize we have it backward all along.
What we really want is:
- More time = Eliminating wasted efforts
- More freedom = Choosing the type of work that fulfills us
- More belonging = Building deeper meaningful relationships
The person with the most “toys” doesn’t win. It’s because they’ve lived a life always wanting more and were never grateful for all they had in the first place.
They were never grateful for the important things:
- More time
- More freedom
- More belonging
If we are looking to become happier these become a great place to start.
Outcome Goals
When people say they want to write a book what they mean is they want to publish a book.
When people say they want to run a marathon what they mean is they want to finish the marathon.
When people say they want to do something what they generally mean is they want the feeling of completing something.
There is a gap between the act of starting and the glory of finishing.
The gray area is the work.
The people who love the journey, the highs and lows, and the unknown are more likely to reach a pinnacle of achievement.
They prepare daily by showing up and putting in effort.
They realize the reward is in the opportunity to get to do the work.
Outcome goals are important but what are the daily inputs to make it a reality?
The Starting Spectrum
Where are you on the “starting spectrum”?
- Are you feeling stuck?
- Are you excited but fearful?
- Are you thinking about ideas?
- Are you trying to “find the time”?
- Are you observing like-minded folks?
- Are you curious about how to grow and evolve?
If you fall into one or more of these categories then you are in a great spot.
It means you are eager to make a shift in your life.
You are on the cusp of a massive change.
But, what is going to tip you over the edge?
Is there one action you can take today to give yourself a jolt forward?
Lean into that answer and trust the unknown.
It will become clearer once you start.
Magellan
Stop focusing on how other people do it.
Explore how you do it.
As a single dad, I have a consistent schedule of the weeks I have my son and the weeks I don’t.
When I have my son, I prioritize him. When I don’t, I prioritize other things.
I’ve discovered I work better by thinking in “bi-weekly sprints” based on the time I have available. I can’t schedule like my friends who are full-time parents nor like the ones who don’t have kids.
You most likely will do it differently, too.
Analyze your unique situation and find the tools that can help you craft a blueprint to work off of.
You’ll find it becomes a tremendous way to remove stress, increase enjoyment, and prioritize the life you want.
Blast From The Past
Kids have it so easy today.
Movies streamed instantly.
Millions of songs on Spotify.
Gaming with friends virtually.
But so did we…
We had AOL when our parents had no computers at all.
We had ESPN, MTV, and dozens of channels when our parents had 3.
We could skip songs with our Walkman when our parents had vinyl records.
Every generation thinks they have it harder than the next one.
They feel they struggled mightily and everyone younger is soft and weak.
But we are all the same. We go through hardship and tragedy. We experience pain and sorrow.
We all suffer.
It doesn’t matter what technological advancements happen at what period of time.
We all have our own unique challenges that push us to the edge and make us question our beliefs.
It’s in those moments that we can confidently believe we can get through this.
We know it’s possible to persevere and come out the other end stronger.
That we can survive and advance.
Because the ones that came before us did.
Gary Vee
Before I knew what Entrepreneurship was, Gary Vaynerchuk serendipitously popped up in a Facebook post which was a link to his Inc 500 Keynote Speech.
It was one of the catalyst moments in my life that put me on a different path forward.
That was in 2011.
Fast-forward four years later to 2015 and the momentum had been building even though I was so early in my journey. I had learned a lot and I wanted to share it with others and to give thanks to Gary.
I wrote this blog, titled “What Is The R.O.I. of Gary Vaynerchuk”, 8 years ago. What’s funny is I remember writing this. I remember sharing it and Gary sending me a reply on Twitter. I remember how it energized me even more.
It’s amazing what has unfolded over the past 8 years and I’m excited to see what’s next.
Moral of the Story:
We don’t know where we’ll find a spark of inspiration but we are going to have a better opportunity by venturing out into the unknown and starting. We’ll bump into things by happenstance and call those “serendipitous” moments.
But they are only that way because we’ve opened ourselves up and created the chance for those opportunities to come into our lives.
Get out there and get started.
It’s the only way to create a better life for ourselves.
Night Sweats
Have you woken up in the middle of the night, couldn’t fall back to sleep, and are pondering what the fuck you’re doing with your life?
It’s me. Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.
I think anybody that cares about something meaningful goes through this.
Like are we doing enough?
I don’t know, really. I don’t have the answer. But I have questions I’m asking myself.
What is enough?
Why do I feel I’m always behind?
Is the pressure I’m putting on myself necessary?
The answers come when we’re willing to sit with these uncomfortable and squirmy questions.
I don’t have the answer for you. I barely have the answer for myself, yet.
But the good news is that we are in it together. We all have restless nights and worry that we are not enough. That our life has somehow spun out of control and we aren’t sure what it holds for us next.
All I can say is that we’ve been here before. This isn’t the first time we’ve dealt with these fears, anxieties, stressors, and mental blockades.
But this time it may be the first time we finally become aware of why it’s happening…If we’re willing to answer a few simple questions.
Sit with it for a while. Scribble some notes. Let whatever flows out be what it is. No judgment or editing.
Just pure emotion.
You may not be writing yours at 4:23 am because you can’t sleep but I’d challenge you to carve out just 5 minutes today.
Allow your mind to ponder the reasons why you struggle and where it stems from. Although the answers are difficult to digest they become the start of a new way of thinking.
They become a catalyst for change.
They may even help you sleep better tonight, too.
Spin Cycle
If you are stuck remember that we are merely 8 billion atoms in a body suit on a spinning rock circling a massive star.
Appreciate that you have the capacity to recognize the feelings you are feeling.
That’s a huge leap forward already.
Now, take a deep breath.
You got this.
Well Read
It can become relatively easy to read people if we focus on the decisions they make.
The words can throw us off course but it’s their actions that paint the brightest picture.
Eye-opening data can come from that observation if we are willing to accept what it’s telling us.
Action Packed
The action of starting ends up being a lot easier when we’ve already started in our minds.
The action is connected to the need to change.
Despite that our confidence may be low and fear is gripping at our ankles, if we have the courage to decide to choose a better path for our life, starting becomes easier.
Simple to imagine, harder to implement.
Why? Because we spend more time thinking about the things that could go wrong instead of believing that we have the chance for it to go right.
Mindset is always the appropriate first step when we are struggling to get started.
The glimmer of hope that we are worthy enough to make the attempt is all the positivity we need to take the leap.
The rest will build from there.
Suspense Thriller
Despite what we may think, we are incredible storytellers.
We make up stories to fill in the gaps in the unknown.
To paint a picture that doesn’t yet exist through our biases and beliefs.
We make it compelling and exciting and if we think about it long enough we might even believe it is true.
When the future moment becomes the present, how many times does that story live up to the hype of the moment?
That should tell us something.
Maybe our embellishment of the potential outcome is unhelpful and irrational.
It leads us to worry and stress over things that are irrelevant.
It’s a narrative that might choose not to write in the first place.
Don’t Ignore It
The common phrase is “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
Even better, “Be so aware you can’t ignore yourself.”
When we remove the barriers we can explore our minds at a deeper level to expose all of our insecurities and anxieties. This work becomes useful to avoid the pitfalls of making the same mistakes over and over again.
As Paulo Coelho says, “A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.”
Mistakes will happen but it’s the awareness and reflection of why they happened that allows us to make better decisions when similar situations arise in the future.
We stop ignoring the flashing red lights and begin to forge a new path toward learning about ourselves.
It’s one of the only ways we can become a better version of ourselves.
Even The Greats Are Scared
Will Ferrell was sitting in his trailer while filming the iconic movie “Elf” and he said something to the extent of “Where am I going to go from here after this thing flops” (paraphrasing a bit).
Even the people considered the “greats” don’t have it all figured out. They question their decisions. They have fear of how they are going to look to others. They have moments of weakness.
“Elf” didn’t flop, as we now know, but there was no way he could’ve known that then.
He had to put on his yellow tights one leg at a time, walk out of that trailer, and show up as the best performer he could be.
We don’t always know what will happen. That’s part of what makes it exciting.
When it does work out we have the opportunity to look back at all of those low points, the times we doubted ourselves, and realize that it was a part of the process.
It was a part of our growth.
It’s like standing on top of the mountain and seeing all of the hills and valleys we had to climb over to get here.
We gain confidence and conviction with each one.
We believe in ourselves.
The game is set up to separate the ones willing to go past the point of fear, uncertainty, and doubt and progress forward versus those who close up shop and quit at the first sign of adversity.
Showing up because we believe in what we are doing becomes a great tool to lean on during times when we think we aren’t good enough.
Gratitude Journal
We can get caught in the hustle of daily life with the expectation that it’s supposed to be better.
Gratitude is one of the lifeboats we can drop into the water when we feel like we are drowning. When we feel like we are in over our heads.
Because as much as we may struggle, deal with pain, or battle our inner demons, we have to recognize that this has been common throughout human civilization.
We are not much different than our distant ancestors.
But we are more comfortable.
If we are cold we turn on the heat.
If we are hungry we have food delivered.
If we want to learn we have knowledge at our fingertips.
Life isn’t easy and being in a tough spot mentally or emotionally isn’t to be diminished. We all have challenges.
That’s where gratitude becomes our friend.
What can we be thankful for?
Where have we gotten a few lucky breaks?
What are things that should be appreciated more?
Coping is a part of life and sometimes it starts in our mind.
How we think could alter how we feel.
How we feel can determine our actions.
Our actions move us forward to a more desired place of joy and happiness.
Start with gratitude.
That perspective will keep us afloat and propel us toward a better tomorrow.
Compound Interest
When we’re working toward something and enjoying the journey then we’ve already obtained success.
There isn’t some arbitrary fixed time when things should happen.
It doesn’t work that way.
Keep enjoying the process.
Consistency compounds over time.
Become A Lifer
It’s impossible to split up “Professional Life” and “Personal life”
These aren’t separate entities.
There is just Life.
When we’re working we may be weighed down by family trauma.
When we’re with a friend we may be thinking about a work project.
When we’re tired we may have to muster up the energy to go to the gym knowing we have work to do after.
We may need to stop working on a project to attend our kids’ game.
When we are looking at buying a house, moving, traveling, etc it can be impacted by our work and the financial rewards from that work.
It all overlaps and intertwines into a messy unrelenting knot that can’t be undone.
Recognizing that should put us at ease. We don’t have to fake it or try to make it all work perfectly into this “work-life balance” box.
It’s nonsense. There is just balance.
We are balancing work, kids, friends, romantic partners, hobbies, and tragedy and triumph.
It’s randomness every day.
We have to stop putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect. It doesn’t exist.
Map out your day, figure out what works for you, and take a deep breath.
Balance comes with accepting all the challenges we have not ignoring them.
Imagine and Create It
Is the life you have today the one you want?
If not, it’s the perfect time to start creating a new one for yourself.
Thinking you have to have it all figured out is your imaginary blockade to start.
Starting anything is like venturing down a trail that hasn’t been shaped yet.
We get to create the path.
There will be thorny bushes, large gorges, and steep hills along with beautiful flat terrain that reflects beauty for miles in the distance.
There is no exact path or a perfect way to go.
There is no “if I do this then that will happen”.
It doesn’t work like that.
It’s about taking a leap and forging ahead and making decisions that align with our values and vision.
We’ll get scraps and scars.
The calluses will heal over.
We’ll build strength step by step.
We’ll have the courage to get up after we stumble instead of sitting on the ground and pouting.
And don’t worry about getting lost, that’ll happen, but we’ll also be finding ourselves each and every day.
Right On Time
When we compare ourselves to others and feel like we are “behind” we must remember that we may be looking at their finished product.
Their book. Their business. Their course.
It was shit at first.
Then they tweaked and edited.
They refined and practiced.
They sanded down the rough edges, eliminated what wasn’t working, and pulled it together.
Hours and hours are sitting on the cutting room floor we’ll never see.
So don’t compare. Applaud them. And then get to work.
We have a lot of editing to do on our thing.
It may not be finished yet but it doesn’t mean we are behind.
Lenny Williams
Do you know who Lenny Williams is?
What if I told you it was almost this guy…
At age 6 when Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio was getting into acting, an agent they were talking to wanted him to change his name because it sounded too “ethnic”.
But, his parents refused. It was a mix of their heritage; Italian and German.
As we think about it now, could you imagine Leo with any other name?
What’s the lesson we can learn here?
Just because someone is considered an “expert” in their field doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you.
Their opinions are rooted in their life experiences and what has appeared to work for them. They may not be always looking out for your best interest.
We have to go with what feels right.
We have to be true to ourselves.
We have to follow our gut.
Who knows if Leonardo DiCaprio would’ve ever been as big of a household name if he used the name Lenny Williams but I’m confident he never would have been if he used that agent.
They’re All Going To Laugh At You
Let them laugh.
Let them judge.
Let them gossip.
Let them dismiss.
Let them roll their eyes.
Let them go if they want to.
The people that matter don’t do any of this.
They are supportive and trustworthy.
They are caring and compassionate.
They are honest and direct.
Actions speak loudly.
Make sure you’re paying attention.
Popular Culture
The pop culture phenomena that we become awestruck with were made up of people just like you and me.
From a mixture of environment, observation, imagination, twisted reality, hard work, and a touch of luck these creations came into being.
Think Harry Potter or Hamilton, Mickey Mouse or Marvel, Toy Story or Transformers.
Something being adopted as “mainstream” or “popular” was once scribbled and scrutinized by its various creators.
Nobody was going to like them and it wasn’t going to work.
Until it did.
We might not have the next Harry Potter written but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put in the effort to make the attempt.
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do the thing we want to do and keep iterating when we feel compelled.
We may not have the next pop culture creation but our thing will be a success to us and those we surround ourselves with.
That’s all that should matter and it should be the motivation we need to start.
Eyeballs
Is it about the eyeballs or the impact?
If we are looking for traction, we have to be careful with what sort of traction we are receiving.
It feels nice to get likes and comments. New followers make us feel like we are moving in the right direction.
But we have to be careful we don’t go down a slippery slope merely to get more eyeballs.
We have to wonder if those are the eyeballs we want.
Are they going to move the needle toward the impact we want to make or is the algorithm working in our favor this time?
If we’re not careful it becomes a constant loop of seeking attention. The hamster wheel doesn’t stop. We get burned out.
Instead, put together the work that makes us proud of the achievement even if there isn’t a crowd initially.
It’s not about quick wins, it’s about long-term stability and growth.
The right eyeballs show up because of consistency and creativity.
We are believable. We are in it for the long haul. Our mission is much bigger than ourselves.
We’re there to make an impact even if we don’t always get to see who it is impacting.
Personal Experience
The only reason it appears to work is because others have been doing it.
The “winners write history” as the saying goes.
But it doesn’t mean you have to do it that way.
Take Publishing Podcast episodes, here’s how some of the best do it:
Joe Rogan = 3x / week
Tim Ferriss = 6x / month
Andrew Huberman = 5-6x / month
Dax Shepard = 4x / week
Theo Von = 1x / week
Lex Fridman = 5-6x / month
It’s good to look at those we admire but we have to make decisions that align with our vision for the future.
What’s the cadence that works best for you with your project?
If you do it long enough maybe others will think it’s the best way, too.
The “Most Argumentative” goes to…
Why is it important for us to be right?
Why do we get defensive at the first sign of an adverse response to what we believe is true?
It’s rooted in our belief in ourselves.
I received the “Most Argumentative” superlative for my senior year of high school. I lobbied for that title. I wore it like a badge of honor.
I thought it was cool to be argumentative because I hadn’t learned that healthy dialogue and constructive listening were much cooler.
Arguing was the status quo for me. It’s how my family communicated with one another. It’s how we shared our feelings. I didn’t know any better. I had believed that was how everyone communicated.
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t at fault.
As I matured, I began to recognize that there was another way forward.
It was rooted in empathy and understanding of the other person.
And it wasn’t about winning. It was about learning.
I couldn’t possibly know everything about a topic so how could I be so confident I was correct?
I wasn’t confident but I was stubborn.
I was blinded by the “belief” that I was correct.
It’s our beliefs that can hold us back.
We become steadfast and proud of what we claim is right and we hold firm in our opinions even though facts may argue otherwise.
Having a healthy debate is necessary but it’s no longer the “loudest person in the room wins.”
It’s about questions and curiosity. It’s about respectful banter. It’s about learning things from a different perspective.
It’s something we should all be willing to agree on.
A Billion To One
Of the 8 billion humans on this planet, less than a few dozen would know simple facts about our great-grandparents.
Of those, most could barely share but a few details about our great-great-grandparents.
Almost nobody has a clue about our great-great-great grandparents.
In a few generations, we won’t be remembered.
That could scare us into asking “What does it matter?” or it could invigorate us into asking “What do I have to lose?”
Energized
Where do you get energy from?
For me, it’s:
- Writing
- Podcasting
- Being a parent
- A good night’s rest
- A hard CrossFit workout
- Being around interesting people
Find the things that bring you energy and do them often.
It’s one of the keys to a happier life.
Ms. Bliss
Everything we create gets us one small step closer to pure bliss.
It’s not about producing great pieces.
Those come in waves.
It’s about producing the pieces we want to produce.
We can’t worry about how they are accepted.
We only can worry if we accept ourselves.
Leveling Up
The beginning boxers on “Mike Tyson’s Punchout” were easy to defeat.
As we leveled up, so did the challenge of the opponent we faced.
In life, we have the choice to play on the level we want. The harder levels bring their own obstacles but the rewards tend to be of greater value to us.
Do we go for the easy win or challenge ourselves with the more difficult pursuits?
Which level we are choosing to play on is a useful question to ask ourselves often.
Model Of Good Behavior
Parents who don’t let their kids on technology are hypocrites.
Adults are glued to their phones and distracted by:
- Notifications buzzing
- Emails flying in
- Social media scrolling
- Trying to find the best picture filter
Kids watch educational videos, learn strategy through gaming, and interact with other kids from around the world.
Technology broadens their intelligence and vocabulary and it deepens their curiosity and creativity.
Kids shouldn’t live on technology but exposure is key to their upbringing. It’s entrenching them in the world they are going to live in. It’s also teaching them self-control at an early age.
Technology isn’t bad if it’s used in the right way.
If we start modeling the correct behavior ourselves we’ll be more inclined to know how to pattern those behaviors in our kids and set the necessary boundaries for them to succeed.
Showing Up Is Half The Battle
You won’t become great by learning a skill.
You become great by building an ecosystem that supports that skill.
It can apply to all facets of life.
When I started CrossFit I would’ve had average results if I solely focused on lifting weights.
Instead:
I had to create a Morning Routine.
I had to create a Bedtime Routine.
I had to have a beginner learner mindset.
I had to prepare for the day ahead better.
I had to change what I ate during the day.
I had to change when I ate during the day.
I had to show up on the days I didn’t feel like it.
These new foundations in my life, that never existed before, were created.
I wouldn’t be close to what I have achieved if they hadn’t been.
This applies to the skill or activity you are learning.
Have you built the ecosystem to support your endeavor?
If not, what habits can you add or eliminate today to support it?
Now is never a bad time to start.
First Person Narrative
Get out of the game of “everyone else”
Everyone else appears to be getting lucky breaks.
Everyone else appears to be getting traction.
Everyone else appears to be productive.
Everyone else appears to be happy.
Who cares what everyone else appears to have? The important word is “appears” because we are making stories up in our heads of what we think is going on. We can’t be certain it is true.
We are playing the victim so we don’t have to take accountability.
We could easily replace it with phrasing like, “Everyone else doesn’t have ______ “ or “I’m fortunate I have ______”.
We become what we think about.
The longer we create a narrative with us as the victim our mindset skews negative. The deeper we fall into a dark hole of despair. The harder it is to come out of it.
It’s a slippery slope.
Stuck In The Mud
If our car was stuck in the mud how would we get out of that situation?
We wouldn’t keep spinning our wheels and cursing the world for putting us in this situation.
We’d assess where we’re at.
We’d look for resources.
We’d call for help.
We’d quickly create a plan of action.
It’s the same thing when we’re stuck in life.
What is our current situation?
What resources are at our disposal?
Who around us can be that “phone-a-friend”?
We can come up with a plan of action to get us out of any situation. We can change course quickly. We have opportunities all around us.
We have to make the decision to get up and get moving. It’s the only way we can stop spinning our wheels.
Cutting Room Floor
I’ve published hundreds of blog articles over the past 2 years.
I’ve also written hundreds that have never been published.
The rough drafts are rough for a reason.
The prototypes are meant to be thrown out.
The sketches and scribbles don’t make the final cut.
Sometimes we create things that’ll never get used in order to create things that can be used by many.
We would have never gotten to that point without a tremendous amount of input that lay on the cutting room floor.
Be kind to yourself.
An excess of ideas gives you more to work with to create your masterpiece.
The Heartbreak Kid
Heartbreak is one of the worst human feelings we can experience.
It ravages us deep down at our core.
But we should be grateful we get to experience it at all. It means we had the highest of highs, with wonderful moments and pleasant memories.
We felt the full spectrum of emotions from heart-bliss to heart-break.
We’ve reached the pinnacle of our emotions.
It makes us want to get back there.
It makes us want to become better.
It makes us want to make others better.
This time didn’t work out but we have to give ourselves another crack at it.
Our heart needs to feel that bliss, one more time, even with the likelihood of heartbreak, again.
Maybe this time we’ll stay up on “cloud nine” a bit longer.
Admiration
The people that inspire us were making it up as they went along.
They didn’t have it figured out either.
They were distracted.
They were depressed.
They were cruel to themselves.
They wanted to quit many times.
What inspires us is that they stuck with it through all of the shitty moments.
We don’t admire them because they did something great.
We admire them because they did something.
Expert Mode
Hang around people that want to play the game of life in “expert mode.”
They are a great teammate to support your efforts.
They love solving obstacles so they can grow wiser.
They understand that failure is a part of the process.
They realize that there is some calculated risk in the unknown.
They possess an insane amount of energy to keep pushing through the suck.
We say we want easy but what we actually want is to be confident in our pursuits.
We gain more confidence by enduring challenging times.
Oftentimes, they are also the most memorable.
Find people that have a mutual interest to support each other and grow stronger together.
Those are the best teammates when it’s time to go into battle.
Behind The Scenes
The magic happens behind the scenes.
When we see a cool video, listen to a podcast, watch a movie, or read an interesting novel, 99.9% of it was created without an audience.
To get where we want to go we have to put in the work we never have.
It’s in the prep work, the imagination, the restless nights, the crumbled-up piles of paper, and the emotional roller coaster.
Like in school, we need to show our work to get credit.
It’s no different with bringing our creations to life.
Only this time nobody else is watching.
Beginning To Balance
Knowing when to accelerate and when to break is just as important on the highway as it is on our journey in life.
We can’t go full speed ahead all day. We also can’t sit idle for too long and wait for things to happen.
Finding the balance takes time but if we don’t put the time into finding it we’ll never get it right.
How do we find it? Practice.
As a starter exercise, focus on how you get things done.
Do you get distracted easily?
Do you work better in short or long bursts?
Would you rather take a short or long break?
How do you transition from one thing to another?
Do you get more done in the mornings or evenings?
When you answer these questions it begins to shape a plan of action.
Then…
Carve out a fair amount of time to work on a task.
Take a break at a length of your choosing.
Start back on time without procrastination.
Eliminate distractions as best as possible
- Turn off notifications
- Turn on “Do not disturb”
- Close browser tabs
- Set a timer
Anything that has balance had to maneuver and wobble from side to side until they got their bearings.
Just like the first time you sat behind the wheel of a car, it takes practice to know the amount of pressure we have to put on each peddle to make it start and stop.
The more we practice the greater the opportunity for a balanced life.
Adventures Of A + K
I’ve been podcasting for 5 1/2 years with most of the interviews taking place virtually.
It has its benefits with the flexibility of scheduling around a full-time job but it can lose the connection of being in the presence of someone and feeling that energy.
So, when I get to meet my guests in person, either during the interview or after, it hits home for me.
I’m making a deeper connection than just an interview. It’s a bond we have for the rest of our lives.
Some people I’ll never speak to again.
Others become peers and we support one another.
And some become friends.
Recently, I got to meet Adam and Kathryn Fraser of the Adventures or A+K (super cool people!) who joined the Just Get Started Podcast in 2020.
They travel around in their Sprinter Van, visit National Parks and other local hot spots around the country, and document their journey through their blog and YouTube channel. (https://adventuresofaplusk.com/)
After all these years trading messages through a phone and talking over the internet it was refreshing to see them up close.
To give them a hug, share stories, and trade some laughs.
It’s what we all need.
It’s what we should seek out more often.
The Go-Giver
My 10-year-old son finished the “Go-Giver” recently. It’s one of the most beloved business books with the central theme around giving.
I asked him to recap the most valuable lessons he learned from reading the book. I share them below exactly as he shared them with me.
1. Money isn’t everything – there can be other things that have value instead of just money.
2. The key to successful giving is to be open to receiving – you have to be open to receiving from others. If you’re not open to receiving you’re taking away someone else’s chance to give.
3. People aren’t always what they seem – You might think that one person is something but they might be different from what you were thinking they were initially.
Kids have the capacity to learn if we expose them to the opportunity for it.
The “Go-Giver” wouldn’t be considered a book for kids but its structure and story lend themselves nicely.
The lessons are timeless.
Our kids will surprise us with what they can handle.
Don’t be afraid to let them step outside the box and explore.
Collaboration Station
Don’t compare or compete, collaborate.
Comparison can make us depressed and feel like we’re not doing enough.
Competing can move us off course because we might have a different outcome goal than someone else.
But collaboration is where growth happens.
We surround ourselves with others who are eager and ambitious.
We discuss ideas and apply them to our situation.
We feed off of the energy.
We have accountability.
Don’t compare or compete.
Find people who are willing to collaborate.
It might give us the push we need to keep moving forward.
The Wise Ones
Consider why the person telling you to not go after your “thing” is telling you that.
People don’t want you to move to another level.
It makes them look bad.
It makes them feel less of themselves.
So what’s more important, shrinking so someone else doesn’t feel bad or trying to live your most fulfilling life?
Stop listening to the naysayers.
They don’t have your best interest in mind.
Guidance Counselor
We should stop making kids pick a career path in high school.
Who is actually doing what they said they were going to do in high school?
Instead, let’s take a page out of Seth Godin’s book and ask them this question.
“If you knew you were going to fail what would you do anyways?”
It’ll be a compass to point them in a clearer direction.
When we pick careers that early we put fences around ourselves.
We lock ourselves into a life of servitude with something we may not actually enjoy.
Instead, we need to let our kids roam free and explore a bit of the world.
Let them do things they enjoy and see what they accomplish.
There will be time for them to work.
If they do it right, the work they choose may not feel much like work after all.
You Can’t Do It
“You’re not a Children’s book author”
That was a loop running in my head daily back in 2012 after I had written most of my first children’s book.
Then I shelved it for 7 years. Why?
Inadequate and self-loathing Brian joined in on the party daily.
I kept telling myself I wasn’t good enough.
I wasn’t a writer, or an author and had any business thinking so.
Looking back it is laughable how much I let the “old Brian” control the steering wheel with that negative thinking.
What wasn’t I good enough for?
It wasn’t good enough for me because I put other people on these unimaginable pedestals that they were somehow so different and I needed to “stay in my lane.”
Do you know the only difference?
They started.
They put in the work.
They reaped the benefits of failure and then would iterate and expand on it.
They had the courage to create their life, not just let it happen.
They weren’t miles ahead of me.
They were on their own path.
Their journey was totally different.
They decided to put a line in the sand and cross over to the other side.
They made commitments to themselves and stuck with it.
It was non-negotiable.
That was the difference between 2012 and 2019 when I picked back up the project and decided to complete the book, “Luke’s 1st Round of Golf”
I “burned all of the boats.”
There was no turning back now.
I was done negotiating with myself.
I was done letting an old way of thinking control me.
I was done living in fear of the unknown.
I wasn’t ready to tackle all that was ahead but that didn’t stop me from starting.
It was the only choice I allowed myself to have.
The Golf Guy
If you asked me 15-years-ago I was going to be one of the best PGA Teaching Professionals in the country.
Golf was what I knew and it was the only thing I was highly excited about.
But we evolve and change our colors.
We don’t have to stay how we were.
One of the hardest points of my life was leaving the golf industry.
I was the “golf guy” in town and around my friend groups.
When you thought of Brian you thought about golf.
They were synonymous.
I was tied to that identity.
It was difficult to leave.
But I had to. I was being pulled in another direction.
When we become open to new ideas and expose ourselves to unique opportunities, although scarier and unknown, we can create a level of happiness we never could’ve imagined for ourselves.
It doesn’t mean you have to leave your career, friends, or spouse.
It doesn’t mean you have to do anything.
But if you are questioning where you are at at this moment in your life it’s not a bad thing to expose yourself to the question of “what if?”
What if I was willing to step into the unknown because it felt right?
What if I made better choices for what I wanted?
What if I learned new skills that interested me?
The next phase of our life may not look like our current one but we must make choices about what we want and choose a path leading in that direction.
Otherwise, we may waste years living an identity that doesn’t suit us any longer.
Virtual Reality
If you’re struggling to start, find a “virtual mentor” to be your guide. It doesn’t matter who it is.
Who is someone you look up to and admire that inspires you to be better?
For Joe Rogan, it was Sam Kinison.
For Billie Eilish, it was Avril Lavigne.
For Kim Kardashian, it was Jennifer Lopez.
Let them be your motivator if you’re stuck.
At some point, they had to start, too.
Connecting The Dots
It’s about connection.
Human beings connecting with other human beings.
I don’t care what type of relationship it is:
Parents and children
Husbands and wives
Doctors and patients
Friendships
Co-workers
In-laws
The list is endless but the result is the same.
We are emotional creatures and we need the energy that is created through connection.
We can’t live in a cave by ourselves.
We can’t shelter in and bang away on the keyboard.
We have to seek out these connections and create experiences from them.
Experiencing life with others is the most enjoyable way I’ve found to be human.
Scars
We all have scars.
Some use them to remind themselves they are the victim.
Some use them to remind themselves they are strong and can endure anything that comes their way.
Our perspective and attitude are the compasses that’ll take us in one of two directions.
The question is, which path is going to serve us the most?
I Woke Up Like This
If we wake up every day trying to do our best the hard work pays off eventually.
We never know when it’s going to click but we keep at it.
Day by day.
Minute by minute.
Second by second.
Progress is made.
We’ve moved another step forward.
We’re closer to where we want to be.
If that doesn’t bring us happiness I’m not sure what will.